I am writing another $50 check, to another preschool … just for the chance to have my application reviewed.
The more I think about this game, the more it feels like a grift. I show up to a potential preschool along with a dozen other mommies and daddies to compete for a spot that may actually not exist. We’re all trying to look like the most interested, the most invested, and the best candidate — all while our 2-year-olds are running around putting things in their mouths with their finger up their nose.
Is this just an urban problem or modern problem? Is this really the lynchpin for my child’s entire future? If I choose the wrong preschool, am I dooming her to a life of, “Do you want fries with that?”
The stress is overwhelming. It was easier for me to get into college. It was easier for me to get an apartment in San Francisco at the peak of the dot com boom!
I never took rejection as personally, as I do now when it comes to my kid. I got a letter in the mail denying me from a preschool co-op that I applied to when my daughter was a few months old. My husband had to put ME on a “time out.”
The preschool hustle is making me a crazy person.
If I make it to the end of this process without choking out the obligatory suck-up mommy taking pictures of the potty area and asking philosophical questions about their educational structure…My baby may just learn how to make ants on a log and finger paint macaroni art.
Next stop, Harvard.
You know, I never went to preschool and I’m top of my class (in high school). Teach a kid to love reading, and the rest follows.
Funny, I didn’t go to Kindergarten, or preschool. I’m 56 years old and can usually read, and sometimes write.
My parents taught me to read and write by the time I was 5. (Yeah, I’ve been a geek ever since… I read Asimov, Heinlein, Clarke, Pohl and Andersen).
I run a successful internet business and manage a campground at the same time.
I’m not certain that preschool or kindergarten are that much of a boone to the education of a child as compared to the bonding and learning that a child gets from it’s parents.
Albert Einstein didn’t go to Preschool, neither did Horace Greeley, or, probably for that matter Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman.
Where would our beloved Mythbusters be without their original ideas and thought processes?
Yeah, I know… those come from the producers, but, how would there be a show without them?
I am 16 an I never went pre-school or Pre-K and I’m just fine. I started in Kindergarten, my parents had already taught me the alphabet, I could count to 100, add and subtract, read and write. Things may have changed now. My sister who is two grades below me is learning stuff two years earlier that me.
My youngest just graduated from a preschool that is operated by the city that I live in. All 3 of my kids went there and had the same teacher. It was great. They learned so much and were very ready for kindergarten. Plus they learned how to interact with other kids in a classroom setting. They are in elementary school before you know it. Good luck Kari!
Completely agree with the “grift”…I know many single parents who are going through the same thing, and it sadly reduces several to tears because things are already so financially difficult. It’s like extorting the parents with the leverage of emotion.
Wow, I live just across the Bay, and I’ve never had trouble getting my kiddos into preschool. Granted I was looking at part-time, play centered schools rather than ones that offered daycare and academics.
I hope you can find a preschool for your little one that you love.
Kari-
After spending the money on a really good preschool, we ended up opting for the BEST possible option we could and have never looked back: Mom.
Homeschooling meant downsizing our lifestyle, but let me assure you that we UPgraded our happiness by doing so. The two working parents model, so seemingly necessary in the Bay Area did bring in the most cash, but it did not make us the most happy.
And it is pretty hard to argue with the teacher:student ratio of 1:1. Our daughter begins 2nd grade this fall, and she is excelling in the homeschool model. We are part of a charter school which gives us a budget for supplies and activities and there is a teacher adviser who meets with my wife and daughter once a month to track progress.
I have no doubt that my daughter is getting the best education possible! Did you go on 3 field trips a week to museums, zoos, and into nature? The interests of my daughter’s are followed out and that foments a thirst to learn.
It may not be possible with your career, but your husband? Even if this doesn’t work for you, the people reading this blog and people in general might benefit from at least considering that it is not about getting into Harvard nor about making the most money…the important thing when it comes to your family is an enriched environment to teach children the joy of learning and the happiness of parents and children.
Karl pretty much said what I came here to say. Preschool is not only not necessary for your kid to have a good future, there is plenty of debate about whether it’s even beneficial at all. If you need a place to stick your kid while you work, fine. You might be better off with a nanny, and save your family a lot of stress. Don’t get caught up in the race just because everybody else you know is doing it. Think for yourself, and think hard. Is that stress really what you want for your kid? If you start it now, is it ever going to end? Cause after preschool is what? The fanciest private schools? They have a similar rat-race to get in. And if you do get your kid into a string of the best schools, there’s no guarantee she’ll be accepted into the “best” college, or have a “successful” career–the definitions of which all depend on her priorities, anyway.
Good luck finding a suitable placement.
I totally agree! I have a background in teaching, which helped, but I homeschooled all three of my kids for PreK only. This gave them the jumpstart they needed, and it gave me fantastic insight into where they were lacking, how they learned, and what issues to share with their teachers once they started Kindergarten. My oldest has been a reading level ahead of the rest of her classmates from day 1, all because she picked up reading like a fish to water.
It’s not nearly as much work as you think, either… Full time preschool took me about an hour each day, with a snack halfway through. I did one number and one letter a week (writing, saying, and learning the sounds, blending sounds later), plus basic color, shape, perception, and application exercises. I followed all of that up with tons of review, more application, and sight words.
The best part? I used store-bought books, and I spent less than $50. Total. Yup! Use online resources for free printables, etc, and you’re golden.
Just think about it.
As a homeschool graduate, I can attest to the fact that it’s a great option for the child. I loved it, and it allowed me to focus on my interests.
wow girl you are so hot your man is very lucky
I’m 25, I never went to preschool, and I don’t feel I have suffered. If you put the effort in to it (ie: read to your kids, teach them their abc’s, show them how to tie their shoes) your child can go right to kindergarden. It’s not the be all end all.
I began school in Japan at 4 years of age before moving to the States. I’m sure not testing was involved since my Japanese at the time was nonexistent! What I do remember is a lot of fun days of learning through a great deal of interaction with many educators (very patient educators!), music classes (where I learned to play the harmonica at the age of 5 much to my parents horror!) and a huge appreciation for the other half of my culture. The teachers in Japan usually visit student’s homes before school starts to meet your partents! The point is When my son, who is now 10 began in the public school system 5 years ago he went armed with some preschool aid but with more parental guidance. Preschool came in the form of a summer program however as a parent I know we are the silver bullet to our children’s start in education! Preschool was fun for my son but even with working full time and being in school as a single mom I helped my son prepare for kindergarten and the process continues. Thanks to shows like Mythbusters he has a healthy well fostered love of science and engineering. This is far longer than I imagined my post would be! 🙂 My main point is be strong in your search for a great school! We, as parents are just as important as the educators so always be involved. Plus you will have an edge when science project time rolls around so good on you! And to make this short story longer, yeah, it’s a modern problem vs. an urban problem (just an opinion though). Go team modern Generation!
I don’t understand why a 2, 3, or even 4 year old needs preschool. Being with their parents or going on a play date, or to parks, museums, etc., lots of reading and learning letters or numbers is fine. You can teach them everything they need to know at this age at home. They will be in school soon enough and will do just fine. We did not start school until we were 6 and had no problem.
Preschool is really just another name for daycare, but they make a big deal out of it and charge more and make you think you are giving your kid such a head start. The children who really need it perhaps are underprivileged kids who get no stimulation or attention. You are working yourself into a big snit for nothing. Tiny children should be embraced in the love of their family, they will be out soon enough. Don’t fall into the trap of “they have to get into “this” school or “that” program because you cause yourself unneeded stress.
Kari, it’s an urban and a societies problem that creates the pre-school stress that you are having. We live in the most rural part of rural that you can think of. There is only 1 pre-school, you either enroll your toddler or you wait until kindergarten to enroll them. I absolutely believe that one can be anything the want, even if they didn’t attend THE school which society considers is IT.
Choose the place that YOU like most. It’s your child that will shine, no matter where she will be. Don’t make your family slave to societies expectations.
I have to say (single mom in SF with a 15 year old at a charter school within the SFSUD distict) that i am grateful for the Montessori Children’s house of the W.C. on lake street for having give her a wonderful, caring and varied start. Sending her to public school was much less stressful after that. Of course, the SFSUD’s current lottery system can go suck b*lls.
🙂
I was reading over a preschool pamphlet once, and it listed a whole bunch of things my kids did already. The only difference: academic benefits. Blocks build motor skills, drawing buils creativity, etc. Why pay for a description?
Hey…I’m 52. And STILL a geek. When I was your age there weren’t any other techies in the engineering side of broadcasting…and I’m not talking about running board for some talking head or holding a camera…I mean TRANSMITTERS! OH YEAH! Being pregnant and inspecting high-voltage transmitters/wave-guides/cooling systems and maintenance & repair 24/7/365…that was EASY compared to finding appropriate pre-school/sittters…you see, I FEEL you pain! But the good news, my kids, both of them survived and are OK not because of my parenting skills, but in SPITE of my parenting skills. Enjoy the cuddleing, the story-times, being goofy together…those things, they grow out of. Don’t sweat the pre-school so much. Your children will show you what’s right for them by what makes them happy…just be a good observer, like you are at work. Geeks unite! Have fun, and if I can be of further assistance…feel free to write…
I work with children all year round, both in my day job as an elementary teacher and when I am working with my hobby, yo-yos. (Yes, I get some strange looks as a 34 year old yo-yo enthusiast.) As far as the education of children is concerned, the best tool at their disposal will always be a nurturing set of parents helping them with their studies and fostering their passions. I have personally witnessed time and time again how a parent who actively participates in their child’s education bolsters their child’s confidence and increases their success in school. As long as you are actively involved in your child’s education your kid will be fine no matter what preschool you choose. This is the approach my wife and I have taken with both our children. They did not go to a fancy or prestigious daycare. They went to a chain daycare that offered a good approach to teaching young children. They have since moved on to public school where they are doing well.
I agree with most of these people. It’s too bad you don’t have a grandparent around to help too. I didn’t go to preschool, but was raised in church (though I’m not christian now). I think being around good hearted people, family, and decent genes, made me into a decent person today. I’ve had to earn my small success the hard way, and sacrificed a lot, but the overall values my parents’ taught me was helped get me here. If your husband wouldn’t mind being a stay at home dad, I would explore that route.
Don’t put so much emphasis on which pre-school. Instead, make sure you are vested in your childs educstion and supplement as much as possible. Parental involvement is paramount to a child’s success. That’s how this teacher’s eyes sees it!
Preschool is just daycare. Good parenting is far more important than any place you send her.
Kari,
Did you or your husband attend an elite preschool? You seem to have done pretty well for yourself. I didn’t but what I did do was spend a lot of quality time with my parents who taught me through modeling that my education was important. My kids will not be enrolling in preschool but they will have two involved and caring parents to ensure that they work hard and earn an education that will help them do something they enjoy in life.
I spent graduate school studying education statistics which may be of interest, or at least take that edge off. In terms of standardized tests, children who attend pre-school do better in Kindergarten than those who did not attend pre-school. That effect persists, but loses strength until about 5th grade, after which it is no longer detectable.
In terms of income, when other factors are controlled for, a child who attend pre-school will earn about $1000 more annually than a comparable child who did not attend pre-school.
The key factors in student achievement are much more broad than macaroni painting, such as parent income and education, parent involvement with school, student education and career aspirations.
According to several studies (which were discussed on NPR’s Planet Money Podcast a couple weeks ago), preschool makes a huge difference over a persons life, but the one they attend, not so much.
It’s a jungle out there!
Kari, have you considered a daytime Nanny? Decent ones will offer everything you’re looking for, with the added benefit of familiar, comforting surroundings. The best ‘leg up’ is the chance to have creative playtime.
Happy hunting!
I never thought about it from a normal moms point if view, my three ear old has a seizure dissorder with a global delay and the state pays his tuition to a developmental preschool. And as long as I can my almost two tearing potty trained intime he’ll go to a Christian pre school for free cause my husband works with them through his job.
Humm Pre-school and things…
If you find the time, don’t you think it’s better to show your child yourself?
In my day (I’m pre-lunar landing 😉 ), age 3, here’s a saw and some wood child, build yourself a cabin, there… age 5, power tools 😉 argh !
Seriously, we used to go and play, not have to wear tons of protective suits and follow all the safety rules before going out of the house. Granted, today’s urban environment isn’t what it used to be, a bit more care is needed but do you have to hired specialist on pre-k care and teachings.
I’m sure you can show your kid how to count, learn the alphabet, tie their shoe laces and draw with their finger/nose and eat glue… come on.
50$/per attempt for unsure spot, I call that fraud and mis-representation. You should sue !
venting over, back to power tools…
All in all, break-a-leg, just any leg, one of those ppl at 50$ per, that’s good 😉 relieves tension, well at lease to think about it !
Legal things: humm suggestions here-in are meant to suggests thoughts not actions, just think about it, dream about it… Don’t do it 😉
Funny story: I ***HATED*** school, even preschool.
When I got out of pre-school, they gave me a “graduation” certificate. I thought I’d graduated and I was done! When my mother had to tell me I had 8 more years of servitude to go, I was absolutely crushed. She says I cried for 3 days.
I think the level of parental engagement that leads to worrying about preschools is going to do much more for a child than which preschool they actually attend. Preschool is over in a year, while parental engagement can go the length of their academic career.
I never went to preschool and I don’t feel like I was ever doomed, however I now work at one of the most prestigious preschools in the state and I gotta say the most important factor is having parents that are active in their child’s learning. There is only so much we can do, most of it depends on what you do. I’ve seen 3-year-old come in who struggle with their ABCs, and I’ve seen some come in that can read, some up to a 3rd or 4th grade level. I don’t know how much I can emphasize that it doesn’t matter if they have 4 or 5 stars as long as you are doing all that you can at home.
http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2011/06/13/137109349/the-friday-podcast-the-case-for-preschool in support of preschool. This article is worth the read.
As long as they are in pre-school, and it IS one that allows both play and learning, it will be fine. Don’t worry about your child NOT getting into the RIGHT pre-school…this is not really going to matter much. All that does matter is that the pre-school gets them ready for the next year.
Also, how many of us can remember EVERYTHING that happened to us when we were 4?
I know you probably won’t read this since there are so many comments left on your blog it’s hard to keep up but I feel your pain. I decided to start both my kids in school early because I thought it would be better for them. They both took 2 years of preschool. My son is now starting first grade and my daughter kindergarten. I survived. Whew! lol. It wasn’t easy but from what I read from your blog it sounds like you have it harder. I’ve never heard of a preschool where you have to ‘apply’ to get it. That’s absurd. Both my kids attended public preschool but when my husband and I moved to Galloway NJ back in November there was no openings in the preschool program for our daughter. We had 2 options, take her out of school all together or pay for private school. We didn’t want to take her out of school, she loves it so much and she’s very bright, we we went with the second option. We now pay 731 a month, plus we have to pay for extra things like class trips, but they teach her spanish, sign language, and she’s at a first grader reading level at four. No application, we just walked in and signed her up. Our next challenge? Our son, who’s 6, took an IQ test and he scored above average. WAY above. We always knew he was special but having a genius for a son is scary. They also said to keep an eye on our daughter because she may be the same way. I can tell you at 4 I didn’t speak perfect spanish, know sign language, and could read at a 1st grade level, and at 6 I didn’t know or understand the inner workings of a computer, I didn’t take my toys apart and put them back together perfectly, and I certainly didn’t know how to pick a lock with a belt buckle (yep that’s my son!). My daughter wants to be a doctor and my son a scientist. So we are very scared but very blessed. Good luck in your preschool adventure.
Maybe we’ll see you at Harvard 🙂
No worries K,
So far our kids have done well without the “advantages” of hip daycare co-ops. Heck my cousin didn’t finish high school- he was bored of it and had excellent SATs so just said see ya, I’m going to Rice. Turns out you don’t need a HS diploma if yer schmart…Now he runs his own software company and has 3 amazing girls of his own.
As a former preschool teacher and child development student, let me say, the first five years of a childs life is when the brain does most of it’s developing, also a Childs brain responds best those that the child has close emotional bonds too. Having said that, it’s great that you’re getting your child into preschool, but your Childs development and future rely much more heavily on how you teach him. So relax and just play with him and give him all the love and support you can and his future will be very bright.
P.S. When are we going to see him on the show? I’ve been waiting to see how cute he is.
Kari,
Please just call it daycare. A two year old should be with a parent not a stranger. When my two children were little I worked the graveyard shift, and still do, and my husband worked the day shift. My children were never without a parent. They went to pre-school at the age of five and are doing great. My 18 year old just graduated from high school and the other will be following in two years. I understand that you are a working mom as am I. I work in the trauma ER at a local Portland hospital and my husband is a graphic artist so we made it work. Just saying.
Laurie
Eh…don’t sweat it, Kari. Face it. Even if she went to the best preschool on the planet, it isn’t like you’d give 100% of the responsibility to educating your daughter to them. You know you wouldn’t. So find a place you like and trust, and do the rest yourself…you know you would anyway, right?
Both our sons did day care — not preschool — not because we didn’t want them to get that quality early childhood education but because of the kind of stuff you’re talking about (that, and we were flat broke). They did day care because my husband and I both worked full time, but we supplemented with stuff at home. We cooked together (the oldest only initially ate spinach because when he was two, he and I made spinach pasta together). We did library runs and read with them (both read by the time they were four). We did math (both knew how to figure out tips by the time they were in first grade, which is more than a lot of folks I’ve seen at restaurants). And they’re both science-geeks because we did mini experiments at home (mea culpa, but that “do-not-try-this-at-home” Mythbusters’ rule? We did the soda mentos thing! Oh, well…maybe that’s where they learned to be rebellious and question authority?).
Both are now honors students, with GIEPs (gifted individual education plans), and are relatively together kids (as “together” as you can be at 13 and 11, anyway).
When push comes to shove, YOU’RE her preschool teacher, and main educator. No pressure, but in the end, it’s all on you, and you know if you’re putting this much into it, you’re not going to let yourself mess things up.
i love how people who homeschool say it was fine but since i have friends who were homeschooled I can say it doesn’t look nearly as adequate from the outside. That being said as a professional in the field of child dvelopment don’t stress the spcifics of preschool a good day care is better than a bad pre-school focus on finding a day time experience that reinforces social interaction and opportunities to learn we’re talking about an age where fostering individual talents is more productive than trying to teach specific skills.
Hey Kari 🙂
Our entire family just loves MythBusters.
I have one daughter (10) and three sons (6, 4/12, 3), all of whom love to pretend they are you and your gang experimenting to their hearts’ content. My daughter has been inspired by your example on the show and has exceeded our expectations in science.
We are a homeschooling family, so she never went to preschool. I worked for a while while she was very young so that was a challenge, but my husband was a great support. While I read books to her while she gummed her fingers, my husband would sit her in his lap while he played video games and she gummed her pretend controller.
By the time she was two, she was chanting the colors of the rainbow and exploring the world of Reader Rabbit on my computer. Fast-forward to the present, where she is enrolled in a free virtual academy that allows her to study at her own pace and focus on the subjects that she excels at.
No matter what choices you make for your daughter, they will be the best choices, because you are her best teacher 🙂
Kari,
I’ve got a master’s in Early Childhood Ed. as well as a CA K-12 Teaching Credential and I can tell you, preschool is not worth the stress. Sure, socialization is good, but the fancy schools are not. Kids need to play, play, and play some more because that is what builds the foundation for later academic learning. Push the academics too early, and it backfires, making later learning difficult. If you need daycare, find a good play-based center. Otherwise, just let them play at home.
I don’t have any kids, but my husband and I are in the planning stage (if that makes any sense whatsoever)… I’m worried about the whole preschool and daycare thing… Yea, I want to get them in to a place that is not gonna cost me an arm and a leg to have them attend, and be safe, but all I want is for them to interact with kids their own age away from mommy and daddy And hopefully learn the things we can’t teach them… My husband and I plan of making sure our kid(s) know how to count and write their name etc before they are in kindergarten, but I don’t know why people are competing to get their kids in to a really good (expensive) preschool… The kids are most likely not going to remember it anyway…
We have spaces at our co-op (Village Nursery School) in Daly City. It is really only just outside the city and is really great. Come join us!
Ok so we’re paying 19% sales tax overhere in Europe but at least we don’t need to worry about things like this… 😉
The schooling system in USA sucks to high heaven! Quit the stupidity of paid schooling – and take your money to any of the nordic countries – the schooling there is free of charge from the ground up pre-school included – all the way through university level tuition.
Not all kids do well in schools with good reputations, so if those don’t work out, look for something local where s/he gets along with the other kids. Any parents with shy/awkward toddlers (yes, it showed up that early with me), make sure the teachers actually give a darn about the kids and not just their precious, precious paychecks. Ms. Byron, if I was anything to go by, preschool and college aren’t your biggest problems. Adolescence is. Just enjoy your kid while they’re still knee-high to a grown-up.
Disclaimer: I’m not a parent, nor do I have any clue what to do with fees and red tape.
The set of Mythbusters would surely be the perfect educational institution for your daughter!
I thought it was illegal in California to pay for an audition? Or is that only in LA?
After the first 2 of my 5 children, I found preschool to be sub par to what I could teach my children at home with basic daily life routines.
Numbers, letters and colors surround us in everyday life so I use those to teach, while at the same time the children are learning how to apply each skill to the daily life in which we use them.
Taker children is tired but It will be fun!!!!
My kid just graduated from preschool – where we had had a space on a waiting list for a year prior to his starting with them. See, he was an international adoptee and at the time we toured them, signed the paperwork (and my check was $100, cha-CHING), there was no kid yet. Did not even know gender or age yet.
You want nerve wracking.
And finding a kindergarten was WORSE.
I have preschools all around me – good ones. A ton of them. TRY to find a kindergarten – grade school is a gimme, but that kindergarten thing? I found one. Period. Public has one for every district, that’s also a gimme – but they don’t go a full day, don’t have before or after care available and the latest round of budget cuts makes one wonder if the place is a barely carpeted warehouse or not.
I also know my limits. If I was an appropriate resource for teaching, I’d be in a classroom. I know my kid would not benefit from homeschooling over the experience with trained, experienced individuals who had taught more than one kid.
I found ONE school that handled kindergarten in addition to grade school up to grade 6. With before and aftercare – and a program that will ensure he’s a grade level ahead of his peers when he finishes with them. If we can manage to keep him there – we’re getting strong messages that we’d better keep up – or else. A kid that hadn’t been speaking English for a year (kid was placed at 3.5 years of age) was expected to be able to count to 100, write same – read simple sight words, let alone be able to write all 26 letters, both upper and lower. To ENTER kindergarten.
He made it. I just hope we keep making it.
My alternative is a school that only goes half a day, three times the ratio and 80% Spanish speaking (80% *anything* in our world isn’t good, and we already have five other languages onboard at home).
Come sit to me. Bring scotch.
Kari I can only give you one bit of good news. This should be a one-time experience. After you get your little one into a great preschool, when you have a second they will get in automatically.
Preschool… the great debate I never understood. My daughter survived to the age of 5 without it, and all of her kindergarten screening puts her in the top of her class as far as educational advancement goes. Can’t ask for more. But, to be fair, the top of her class includes more preschool-educated kids than non-preschool-educated kids. So there must be something to it. Just nothing my daughter needed.