I am writing another $50 check, to another preschool … just for the chance to have my application reviewed.
The more I think about this game, the more it feels like a grift. I show up to a potential preschool along with a dozen other mommies and daddies to compete for a spot that may actually not exist. We’re all trying to look like the most interested, the most invested, and the best candidate — all while our 2-year-olds are running around putting things in their mouths with their finger up their nose.
Is this just an urban problem or modern problem? Is this really the lynchpin for my child’s entire future? If I choose the wrong preschool, am I dooming her to a life of, “Do you want fries with that?”
The stress is overwhelming. It was easier for me to get into college. It was easier for me to get an apartment in San Francisco at the peak of the dot com boom!
I never took rejection as personally, as I do now when it comes to my kid. I got a letter in the mail denying me from a preschool co-op that I applied to when my daughter was a few months old. My husband had to put ME on a “time out.”
The preschool hustle is making me a crazy person.
If I make it to the end of this process without choking out the obligatory suck-up mommy taking pictures of the potty area and asking philosophical questions about their educational structure…My baby may just learn how to make ants on a log and finger paint macaroni art.
Next stop, Harvard.
I don’t really understand the preschool thing. Up here, we don’t really *have* preschools. Our kids stay at home or go to daycare until they’re about 4 or 5, then they start in kindergarten (now moving to full day). Preschool has this connection to the upper class here, something for only the wealthy. I couldn’t afford $50 extra bucks every time I had to apply to our (nonexistant) preschools. Kindergarten is free, it’s fun, and the kids learn a lot. Isn’t that good enough?
I think preschool = daycare.
Existant? Is that a Canadian spelling?
Existant? is Troll bait and they cough one.
You must live in a different part of “up here” than I do (though I’m not sure because you reference all-day kindergarten, and we’re about to implement that here too). I’m in BC and went to a preschool in a pretty backwoods part of the province. It’s kind of like childcare, but in the same building as the school. I don’t think its the same as the crazy private pre-schools in the states, and from what I understand its harder to find a daycare than it is to get into preschool now (except maybe private schools).
I’m pretty sure I learned that Billy would pinch you if you let him and that you CAN put that macaroni up your nose. It really had no bearing on my getting into university, though the macaroni trick really makes me the life of the party.
I had a similar experience in Cary, NC — signups were a little less discriminating in terms of the “qualifications” but for the better preschools, Moms were virtually camping out the night before to be towards the head of the line come 8am Monday morning.
I remember the application fees for the preschools too — wow! It’s gone up over the years — I think it was $25 for my sons.
My daughter is 2 1/2 and we haven’t even started looking at preschools. I’m avoiding the issue until I have to *L*
I found a daycare that was also an accredited school through 6th grade at the time we started. We didn’t have to apply and be interviewed, we just signed up and got in. It was wonderful for our daughter and she learned so much.
There was a daycare down the street from the office that we inquired about because we’d heard good things about but it was more expensive and the waiting list was so long we couldn’t even get an interview. We decided to take the advice of Groucho Marx: “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as members.”
Preschool was easy for us – an extension of my daughter’s day care. It was getting into Kindergarten that was a 2-year job in NYC.
I bet you would love Montessori. “You can’t understand Google,” vice president Marissa Mayer says, “unless you know that both Larry and Sergey were Montessori kids.” She’s referring to schools based on the educational philosophy of Maria Montessori, an Italian physician born in 1870 who believed that children should be allowed the freedom to pursue their interests. “In a Montessori school, you go paint because you have something to express or you just want to do it that afternoon, not because the teacher said so,” she says. “This is baked into how Larry and Sergey approach problems. They’re always asking, why should it be like that? It’s the way their brains were programmed early on.” http://bit.ly/hRHdTu
Depending on where you live, some Montessoris begin as early at 18 months. Most begin at 3, with primary running through Kindergarten. Others go all the way to HS.
My daughter goes to a Montessori daycare/preschool, and we love it. My place takes them at 6 weeks, so you can start your kid at one daycare and not need to switch places if you want a preschool environment later. In this area, very few preschools pick and choose among children. It’s essentially first-come, first-serve with exceptions if you already have another kid in there. Before I chose the Montessori place over a traditional daycare, I sat in on a preschool class to see what they actually do. It was a very relaxed, nurturing place and I liked the sort of learning activities they did. Plus, they are anti-containment device for babies because they believe in holding them and lots of floor play. Anyway, my daughter is moving up into the toddler classroom next week. She loves going to daycare and enjoys doing the toddler learning activities. If she continues to like Montessori learning, I’ll try to get her into the Montessori charter elementary school. That is one that requires applications due to limited space vs. demand.
I feel really fortunate to be in Florida. Here pre-K is free to everyone.
Luckily one of the local churches had built a super flashy, high capacity, long day (>5 hours 4-5 days a week) facility that is ‘the’ place to go. That left the small program that I wanted with openings.
I hope you find a good fit for your family!
-A
Being a bit of a geekdad myself I can see where you would want to find the best preschool for you toddler.
Having said that, when YOU have to be interviewed to let a child into a program intended to help develop them socially and mentally then maybe the school is too intent on their own collective ego than doing what you are paying them for. I can see observing the child to see if they could/would/should benefit from their environment, but YOU (and making you pay for the privilege) is ridiculous.
I have a friend (a career educator, now retired) who runs a fully qualified daycare (which most of her client parents refer to as a school), she does observe the potential clients to see if they ‘fit’ into her daycare. What the parents do is immaterial to her, just the kids. Her place allows her (and he two teachers and four daughters), to interact with the children in a scheduled environment without the stress of a programmed learning environment.
About the closest they come to a rigidly scheduled anything is trips into Washington DC to go to the various Smithsonian Museums and galleries. If the kids do not want to do something (collectively) then she will do something else (play with the colts in the neighboring pasture is always popular). The closest thing to formal instruction is learning to deal with social interactions.
Foo
The ironic thing is that you are all competing for a spot and paying $50 – $100 just to apply, and then $10,000+ per year in fees, and the employees are making $7 / hour. Pretty messed up. Also having my wife work at several high-end preschools over the past 6 years, I can honestly say that the teachers and not the facilities and especially not the administration are what make it a good school. Try and actually talk to the teachers, because the person giving you the tour is more of a salesperson than someone that will ever interact with your child.
Private daycare is great if you “really trust” the person taking care of your child, like a fellow mother or very close friend that loves to take care of their own and other children. Also make sure they share your same religious, developmental, and ethical beliefs, because I’ve seen some serious clashing in how people think their child should be raised. I say “really trust” because there’s way more negative events with private daycare than preschools.
Montessori schools seem to be an appealing compromise, but some are a little over the top in being eccentric. Again make sure their practices are in-line with your own beliefs.
Not really a one size answer to the question. Just make sure you are very comfortable with whomever you leave your child with and pay attention to how they react to their care provider. They should want to go to them after they get over their initial separation anxiety.
I completely agree with JESTEP. My wife had work in daycare for awhile but the pay is just minimum wage or a lil extra. Talk to the teachers or find a small in-home daycare. We love our daycare place, the price is competitive and the class size is lower than the state max, at most 8 kids on any given day. She works with all the kids and only has a bare min of TV time.
Also if a place uses the name preschool, then they should have at least one certified preschool educator on staff providing daily activities with the children. Always ask for this and the documentation.
Here in the middle of Hoosierland, preschools come in three flavors: Montesorri, church-based, or private. No interviews for any of ’em. It must be a a big city/coast thing to have your kids interviewed for preschool. How ridiculous.
@Jeremy – preschools actually are different than daycare, if they’re any good!! I equate day care with TV/games/crafts, and preschool with something more structured (or not, in the case of Montesorri schools).
@Aunt Babe – greetings from a fellow Hoosier! In my mid-sized city, the vast majority of preschools are church-based. There are a few Montessori and “private” pre-K’s, but I ended up sending my older dd to one of the church-based schools. In our case it didn’t come down to religion/theology/dogma so much as how much the staff loved what they did, and that they genuinely cared about the kids. Our pre-K was light on the doctrine; we knew going in there would be some, but it was very ecumenical. In another couple of years, we look forward to sending our younger dd there.
C’mon, Kari . . . You’ve got the punctuation for quotes correct on the “fries,” but not on the [semi-sic] “time out”? And I thought you were perfect . . . harumph!
Seriously, good luck with the preschool thing. What a pain; I have a friend in Portland in a similar situation.
Punctuation, fixed, now she’s perfect again. (Editorial slip…)
Kari– I can totally understand. It was the SF pre-school racket that ended up driving us into the wild burbs of San Mateo where we found an awesome preschool without any of the stuffy pretense of the “elite” preschools in SF. Look around and, if necessary, broaden your search.
We paid $50 for a chance at an opening in the current class of a preschool in San Mateo (up near Crystal Springs), as well as $50 for a possible position in the fall semester. Granted, we were about 15th in line on sign up day. We’ve also looked into Spanish, German and/or Mandarin emersion classes for our kid. Mandarin, because it may be good for our kid to learn the language of our soon-to-be-overlords.
Montessori! My son’s pre-school Montessori experience was wonderful. He had a list of things he needed to do each day, but he could do them in any order he pleased. He loved the academics but didn’t like the fine/gross motor activities. He moved slowly through those activities but was reading and had great geography knowledge before he entered kindergarten. His friend on the other hand excelled in the motor activities and moved way ahead in that area.
Out here in the sticks we’ve pretty much got (maybe?) 2 options. Religious or Head Start preschool. I’ll take Head Start. Competition for space? Hah! For the first time (at least for the years my 3 have been in the program) they hired another teacher so they could split the preschool class in two. I can’t imagine what my reaction would be if I had to deal with what the more urban upscale preschools put parents through. To me it’s horrible, the schools should be competing for your kids rather than the other way around. It seems to me to be a artificially created scarcity rather than how good their program is. If they really wanted to use their philosophy of teaching to better humanity they should add classes (and hire teachers) to meet demand. They seem to be more in the business of helping the people who get into their schools feel “elite” versus those who jumped through their hoops and were rejected.
Yes, it is a hoax. No, it is not necessary. Review any current research and it will tell you that kids are perfectly capable to learning anything at any age. Meaning, kids can have no preschool or advantages in early education but can still become very successful academically. The key is that they WANT to learn and WANT to succeed. My personal belief is that placing kids in highly competitive educational situations early on just kills their love of learning earlier.
It’s true that you can push them too soon, but that just says that you put them in school too young. Learning is a natural human behavior, but other skills need to be in place to help accomplish the learning. That is what Kindergarten was supposed to be for. Now, if a kid starts kindergarten without those skills, she is “behind”. Preschool is the new kindergarten, and if you don’t have a useful preschool experience, you will not be ready to learn. Kindergarten has been this way where I live for nearly 30 years, but we also have what they call “social promotion” so that those kids that are not prepared to learn, and therefore don’t, are passed to the next grade anyhow. This has resulted in very low test scores and progression to college rates. And no, my community is not a poor inner city mess! I live in an affluent bedroom community to LA. To Kari and her fam–good luck !
Kari,
I agree with earlier posters that the whole application/exclusivity game you are getting sucked into is useless as far as your little one is concerned… it’s just an ego thing for them.
When my son was of that age, I visited schools until I liked one that I saw. No application fees, no herds of anxious parents… maybe you could ask around your area to see if there are any preschools that the parents like!
Also remember: preschool is not a requirement, nor is it necessary to your child’s growth. The only benefit that is inherent is preschool is socialization with other kids, and there’s lots of non-exclusive ways to accomplish that! Heck, when I was little, kindergarten wasn’t even required! I didn’t go, because I already knew how to read quite well, color, and take naps. 🙂
Good luck.
I have friends in the same boat. This isn’t Harvard, Yale, or some service academy that requires a Senator’s endorsement…oh wait, that could come next.
Find a pre-school that suits your needs and requirements . Never ever should there be any kind of “entry or application” fee to put a child into a preschool.
What preschool your child ends up going to will not sculpt what you child will be like in 20 years. Heck at that age, they can barely remember what you told them 5 seconds ago.
Don’t sweat the trivial garbage that far too many adults today sweat over. What preschool will Brianna or Keegan get into…Its all horse hockey
Bryan Kaplan’s book might be of interest if you’re wondering how much influence parents really have over outcomes.
http://econlog.econlib.org/archives/2011/06/genetic_determi.html
I have yet to see what we ended up doing in Chicago, having been daunted by everything from the snobby pre-schools and academies to the hyper-inflated prices Montessori and Waldorf charges – how about a parent’s cooperative? We obviously don’t live in a city known for it wheatsy-crunchy alternative-lifestyle, and yet I found at least 4 very near to us on the North Side alone. While there is some participation required (e.g., we had to provide lunch and snacks for the class twice a month in exchange for our son being there almost full-time, one of us would attend a monthly meeting, and we’d all participate in a bi-annual cleanup of the place) the maximum size was 10 kids, and all the instructors were thoroughly vetted by.. well, us. We had complete control of the curriculum and activities, got to know the instructors and parents… in short, we had much more control of our son’s pre-school education and daycare and actually had fun doing it. We found a coop with artists, musicians, folks in the entertainment industry, people like us who were fascinated by all things geeky and science-based. Oh, and did I mention it was at a fraction of the cost? Another idea is to perhaps hook up with like-minded parents and start one of your own. Ours had been successfully run for over 20 years when our son got in, and that was 5 years ago!
Kari, honey, when it comes down to it, there’s really only 5 criteria that are important when selecting a preschool for your 2 year old.
(1) Is it clean?
(2) Are they accredited and licensed to work with little people?
(3) Do they actually like working with little people?
(4) Do they actually get down on the floor to interact/play with the kids?
(5) Are there plenty of age appropriate activities for the kids?
Beyond that, it’s window-dressing. And this interviewing the parents stuff is ridiculous! You’re trusting these people with your precious child for X amount of hours a day!! YOU should be interviewing THEM to see if THEY meet YOUR standards, not the other way around!! Remember that!
If your kid is dumb, a great preschool won’t help. For that matter, a great high school or college won’t help. Just look at all the ditzy actors/actresses and himbo sons of politicians that were given free passes to Ivy League schools only to emerge on graduation day as the same himbos and bimbos they were before (but holding a meaningless piece of paper).
By contrast, if your kid is smart, he/she will learn on a desert island. The worst case scenario is that he/she will be bored or bullied at a bad public school. But someone who loves learning will learn in almost any environment.
In other words, don’t worry so much.
I’m right there with you. I’m waiting on a contract right now from our first choice school. I’m in a smaller city, and really there are only two choices for us, so we’ve been really nervous.
The reason I’m so concerned about preschool is because its her best chance to get into the school. Existing students get first chance at the spots in each grade going forward so getting her into a two year old program means getting her in for the actual school part.
Kari- those schools don’t know what they’re missing out on that have passed your kids up.
We had a bizarre time going through daycares as well with our daughter. We did eventually find one that would do. We pulled her from daycare a month after our son was born.
Honestly, three quarters of the operators are nothing but money grubbing weasel t*rds. The remainder are on “some damned-fool idealistic crusade”.
I really don’t know which are worse.
Hang in there, this too will pass.
Wow, I’d think that most pre-schools would be knocking down your door to get your kid to be in their program, just so they could brag and say “we’ve got Kari Byron’s daughter at our school!”
The article is well writtenhere
My daughter is three and I’ve browsed a tad but I’m not sure preschool is the surefire thing everyone says it is. At least where I’m at (Oklahoma City), I’ve yet to find a preschool that can offer her things I can’t teach her myself or, in conjunction with the killer daycare she goes to, she can’t learn. ABCs – check. Numbers through 50 – check. Colors – check. How to get most of the glitter on the glue stripe instead of her clothes – check. Social skills, problem solving, pre-writing skills, pre-reading skills – check, check, check, check. Perhaps I’ll save the bit and wait for free kindergarten.
I have to step in on the side of the preschools here. Well, at least on the side of some of them.
The game is played on both sides. Having worked with a co-op preschool on the Peninsula for almost 7 years now, I have seen half a class turn over before the school year started. That means that out of 25 families, at least ten-twelve of them signed up and reserved a space, went through varying levels of pre-prep (meetings, materials, etc) and then ended up going with another school.
Part of that $50 charge is to try to keep this kind of churning down. Many families sign up for multiple preschools, then cherry-pick later in the summer among the places they have been accepted to. The school and teachers burn time and resources, and families who may have been a better fit for the school end up waitlisted.
Preschool teachers are as underpaid as the rest of the educational system, and they bust a** all summer long.
So while I get that the process is tricky (and have been through it myself three times here in the Bay Area already), it’s tricky on BOTH sides.
While not a geekMom, I am a GeekDad. With my daughter, who just completed kindergarden this year, we never sent her to pre-school. It’s my opinion and my wife’s opinion that pre-school seems to be slightly over rated. Maybe it’s a good place to let your child meet and interact with other children to build social skills. After the garbage my sister-in-law when through with her son and pre-school, I’m kind of glad we didn’t send our daughter to pre-school.
As far as I can tell, my daughter is very smart for her age. She love reading and reads at a high First grade level, probably higher, according to her teacher. They ran out of books to give her for reading and even the highest level ones they had were rather easy for her to read. We’ve helped her learn mathematics in creative ways before school and during the year which pays off. I’m also teaching my daughter some tech topics since she loves tinkering with things and finding out how something works.
I guess my point is that if you have time to do those things, what could be the point with pre-school other than building social skills they will need.
There are several preschools here and elementary schools that are “elite”. My daughter’s preschool was very popular. You had to get in line the night before registration as it was first come, first serve. We didn’t do that for Kindergarten. Thankfully, the elementary school we live in the boundaries for is a good school (we’ve already made trips for open house, and library night. There are several more activities throughout the summer as well).
Kari, (I hope you don’t mind my informality, but after watching you for 9 years, I feel like I know you) please don’t worry about the pre-school. You and your husband are your daughter’s best teachers. Pass on your innate curiosity. Read to her. Show her the beauty of a butterfly’s wings. Set fires with a magnifying glass (safely, of course 😉 ). Hold a praying mantis in your hands. Watch the waves roll in. Teach her to never be afraid to be smart. Let her know what true kindness means. Those things will carry her farther than the name of a school she can list on an application somewhere down the road. They will be the things that truly define her as she interacts with others through life.
Lucky me… we didn’t have problems like that on our place. What I did was, I talked to the school 3 months before the start of classes so I won’t have to worry with the slots. Good luck on your daycare hunting!
Can’t you take Tory Belleci with you to the pre-meetings, then have a quiet word with the staff to say if your child does not get accepted you will be sending him back every day for a month. :o)
My husband was a preschool teacher for an award winning national chain for several years. Honestly, preschool doesn’t matter! Our 3 children never went. They are all still with us and doing well in school. : )
You’ll be fine. It’s an urban problem. I had my little boy in boring distant US suburbs, and then we had to relocate for 2 years to London, UK. Same exact problem. My boy did not get a chance to go to any preschool before kindergarten, because we weren’t already on the waiting list by the time he was 2 yrs old. No preschool at all, but now in 3rd grade he’s 99th(.999) percentile on all the tests he has had to take. Preschool isn’t really the issue; it’s the support the kids get all down the line. And everybody’s brain grows new lobes at different times, but they do grow. So don’t worry, just be supportive. So glad you have your own spawn now!
Kari- Please don’t let them make you crazy! There is this terrible sense of guilt/urgency being fostered in society re preschool. Hands on learning happens as long as you let it…at home…or in a quality daycare setting. No need for anything fancier, more expensive or certainly more stressful for you. We did homeschool our kids after bowing out of this competitive rat race for preschools years ago. Both daughters are college grads now, working and successful in life. No preschool required. I also think Montessori is great if they are actually FOLLOWING what Montessori is about…which is not always the case. May want to read up on the child led learning aspects if you choose to pursue that.
Hugs and stay sane-
Carol
I’m in the SF Bay Area too, and I know what you mean. I made the decision to keep my daughter home and do home pre-school until she was 4, then I put her in a Spanish Immersion preschool through our community center. I think it was the best decision I made, she thrived.
Now I have my almost 2 yr old and I nanny for a almost 1 yr old and will be doing home preschool with them until around a similar age. I think the more one on one care is better for their self esteem. 🙂
Why do preschool at all? Your kid is gonna spend the next 12 years institutionalized at the least. The best teacher is a competent parent.
Kari, I don’t think the preschools are as important as they make themselves out to be.
The effects of what the preschool teaches are going to slowly disappear over time. Whatever your daughter learns in pre-school, she’s going to know much more thoroughly by third grade, regardless of whether she’s what she did before kindergarten.
I guess the question is, is there any real benefit to learning your ABCs when you’re a toddler as opposed to later on? Will the adult version of her feel that difference?
In my experience, there are a lot of things that we parents make a big deal out of, but what’s really most important to the developing mind are being paid attention and a feeling of being loved.
And remove the words “whether she’s” from near the end of the second paragraph of my post.
Another geek mom out here in NYC who totally feels ya. The pressure and the negative emotions are incredible. I have a 9-year-old and a a 4-year-old, and here are my fabulous words of wisdom: it gets worse, but you kinda get used to it.
Yes, school, especially preschool, is overrated. After sending two kids to preschool who are now in gifted programs getting ready to go into 3rd & 7th grade, I’d have to say that it’s more the home life that shapes them than the preschool experience. If you share your love of art, science, and whatever else you are into, then your kids will learn that love, too, and will thrive. Don’t let the paid teachers at your kids’ school be their only teachers. My friends and I all took this similar approach and by the time our kids got into Kindergarten, we wondered what on earth they’d be learning since they’d already mastered the entire year’s curriculum and then some. BUT, I’m in no rush to fast-track my kids through school. They have all the time in the world to work, so I’d rather they relax and enjoy school, even if that means socializing more and breezing through some coursework. Bulid robots at home, sculpt masterpieces, and read classics to challenge and excite them. Enter academic competitions when they are older and join extracurricular teams. Sign up for early art, music, and athletic classes after school. The options outside of school are endless. Most importantly, just relax and have fun.
At the end if the day our kids learn more from us as parents. I don’t remember what I learned in preschool but I do remember my mothers love and her spirit. She was a single mom in the 70’s working in the male field of computer programming. She always gave me the opportunity to try things – even when it was experimenting with cooking ketchup and coffee grounds on the stove. Told me the worse answer someone could say was no, but I had a better chance at yes just by asking.
Those are the things I remember, not who my preschool teacher was
I think you’re in a very unique situation here. Have you thought about home schooling? You’re on a TV show that is hotter than the Mojave desert in mid August. You have great teachers on the show, Jamie, Adam, Cory, Grant, yourself, not to mention all of the researchers that work for the program. I’m not saying take your kid to work, but look at different educational systems before sending your child off to a “your money cheerfully accepted” school that may not teach the same values that you hold dear or worse yet, may not teach them anything at all….
I’m a pediatrician. Getting our daughter into Catholic School kindergarten here in Atlanta was like me getting into med school, and honestly, I was a little more excited about her getting in than I. Interestingly enough, friends who lived in Cleveland OH who had Catholic schools on every corner, had 3 or 4 choices vs. we were lucky to get into 1 out of the 3 we applied to. HS was a little easier, as she had done well in elementary school, but again, 39 middle schools were applying for the 250 slots of the freshman class! It’s never ending…we are now sliding into looking for colleges for our rising Jr. Easier 2nd time around as sibs get first crack….usually!
Very awesome articles. Kari is great person!
I work in SF and had the same problem. We decided to go with a small in home day care and are supplementing our kids’ education at home.
Maybe they’ve seen the show and are afraid that baby takes after mummy?
Here in the Philippines,our kids starts as early as 3 1/2 yrs.,preschool starts with the nursery level then kindergarten and lastly preparatory level. It could be expensive with private school fortunately daycare school run by the government are offered free. I have kids and I know it’s definitely an advantage to have them learn at an early age provided that they are interested or show interest at schooling. Learning with kids their age gives them a chance to discover many good things…
Kari, relax. I’m a new parent just like you. Our little one has been in day care since she was 4 months old. She’s closing in on 2 now. She’ll be there til she’s school age. The place is a great, social environment for her. My wife works there in mornings, so our daughter gets half price there. I work afternoons/ nights, so my daughter goes twice a week to keep the socialization going. Talk to your friends. The best place you can find is that given a “word of mouth” recommendation. Happy hunting, and enjoy parenthood. 🙂
Kari, you want your kid to be a kid, not some crazy kid getting educational drills 70% of the school day.
$50 “to compete for a spot that may actually not exist”? Nice scam they’re working there…