Take heed! If you haven’t yet watched “Oathbreaker,” the third episode of this season’s Game of Thrones, and don’t want the events of the episode to be spoiled for you — don’t read any further!
Remember the story of the “Brave Little Tailor” story from Grimm’s Fairy Tales — the one about the little fellow who claimed to have killed “seven in one blow?” Well, that that was Jon Snow this episode when he took vengeance for his murder by executing the four main co-conspirators — two of whom were named characters — thereby earning Arya’s Army a whopping 90 points with one swift stroke of Longclaw. Add Jon Snow’s partial nudity (15 points) and his witty parting shot (10 points) to the mix, along with 25 points to Arya for finally improving her situation, and that means Arya’s Army rocked the league this week with 140 points. But their win could have been bigger if the High Sparrow and his 20 wit-filled points hadn’t spent the game on the bench.
As I suspected in last week’s update , the Lannisters doled out big points this week by forcing their way onto the Small Council. That, along with five points for Davos Seaworth’s urgent appeal to Jon Snow, set the King’s Landing Queens up with 55 points and a second-place finish. Too bad the Queens kept Olenna Tyrell benched for this week’s competition — she pulled in 35 points for the best line of the week and a harsh verbal burn right to Cersei’s face.
Ramsay Bolton, last week’s big scorer, put in a shockingly non-violent showing in Sunday night’s contest, so America’s Team only pulled in 15 points — a witty 10-pointer from Kevan Lannister and a five-point jab from Tormund Giantsbane about Jon Snow’s anatomy. Adding insult to defeat, they lost big points by leaving Bran Stark (20 points), Alliser Thone (10 points), and The Three-Eyed Raven (five points) benched.
And finishing up in fourth place this week is my own Harrenhal Halberdiers, scoring only five points, thanks to Varys complaining about the oppressive Mereen heat. After Sunday’s events, I’m solidly in fourth place, down two players due to permanent death, and even Tyion Lannister, my stalwart star quarterback, had a weak showing in what is probably the most lackluster scene of the season (so far). On the positive side, I didn’t leave any points on the bench.
I’m starting to think that naming my team after a cursed castle may not have been the wisest choice … almost as unwise as eating tacos while Sam Tarly sails the narrow sea.
Cumulative League Standings
* Arya’s Army … 215 points
* America’s Team … 100 points
* The Kings’ Landing Queens … 95 points
* Harrenhal Halberdiers … 50 points
Check out Emily Yoshida’s episode recap with full points totals and the rationale behind them over at The Verge, and if you want to get in on the fun and start your own Game of Game of Thrones League, head over to Fantasizr.