10 Things Parents Should Know About 'Pixels'

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Photo copyright Sony Pictures.

We were worried about this movie when we heard about it. While the nostalgia factor seemed like fun, the attachment of Adam Sandler made us afraid; very afraid. And now that the reviews are coming in, we were justified in our fear.

None of the GeekDads has seen Pixels. Most of us won’t be seeing Pixels. But as a public service, we want to make sure our readers also know not to go see Pixels. So we have compiled a list of reasons that are all actual pull-quotes from other reviews, which should in aggregate convince you not to waste your time, money, or children’s mental health on this film.

  1. “Some movies are so interminable that it seems they might never end, while others are assembled with such indifference that you are essentially left waiting for them to start. Pixels somehow manages both.”  Mark Olsen, Los Angeles Times – http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/la-et-mn-pixels-review-20150724-story.html
  2. “Pixels started off lazily enough, with nothing more on its mind than ripping off Ghostbusters with video game characters. But it stumbled onto an accomplishment truly awe-inspiring: It makes Battleship and The Watch look good.” Kyle Smith, New York Post. http://nypost.com/2015/07/23/thanks-to-pixels-its-game-over-for-adam-sandlers-career/
  3. Pixels is a movie without wit, without jokes, with nothing to say but plenty to regurgitate.” John Semley, The Globe and Mail – http://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/film/film-reviews/pixels-adam-sandler-stars-in-re-run-of-every-nerds-vengeance-narrative/article25650151/

  4. “Director Chris Columbus surely hopes that today’s teen gamers, hooked on Halo and Call of Duty, will care about what happened 30 years ago. That’s iffy, unless 13-year-olds think it’s a scream when Dinklage asks to be part of a sex sandwich with Serena Williams and Martha Stewart, who both do cameos.” Peter Travers, Rolling Stone – http://www.rollingstone.com/movies/reviews/pixels-20150723

  5. “When one considers how good this material might have been if placed in the right hands, to see it squandered this way makes it almost more painful to view than the typical Sandler stinker.” Peter Sobczynski, RoberEbert.com – http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/pixels-2015
  6. “A collection of 1980s references in search of jokes.”John Serba, MLive.com – http://www.mlive.com/movies/index.ssf/2015/07/pixels_review_adam_sandler_sti.html 

  7. “… an actor who doesn’t want to be there, a director who doesn’t know what to do, a conceit that runs on autopilot, and a muddle of tones that feels like the screenwriting software is crashing around us as we watch. ” Bilge Ebiri, Vulture.com –  http://www.vulture.com/2015/07/movie-review-pixels-could-use-a-reset.html

  8. “Calling Pixels one of Sandler’s better movies is like calling a particular strain of Ebola somewhat less horrifically painful; either way, it’s not pleasant.” Randy Cordova, The Arizona Republic –  http://www.azcentral.com/story/entertainment/movies/2015/07/23/movie-review-pixels-uneven-ode-video-games/30493295/

  9. “A middle finger aimed right at the audience.” Bryan Bishop, The Verge –  http://www.theverge.com/2015/7/22/9012437/pixels-movie-review-adam-sandler
  10. “Save your quarter.” Jordan Hoffman, Mashable –  http://mashable.com/2015/07/22/pixels-review-a-terrible-tone-deaf-attempt-at-ghostbusters-with-video-games/

Yeah, pretty much don’t go see it. Don’t take your kids to go see it. Watch Wreck-it Ralph again, instead.

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13 thoughts on “10 Things Parents Should Know About 'Pixels'

  1. Wow, that’s some harsh criticisms. Maybe I’ll wait for the Ready Player One movie.

  2. Thanks for saving me the cost of a ticket. I’ll wait until it’s available to download for free on ShowBox, for nostalgia’s sake, if for nothing else.

  3. How do you write this without going to see the movie yourself. How lazy can you be. Thanks for nothing.

    1. A consolidation of mostly negative reviews bothers you? Consider this post a “10 Reasons GeekDad.com Won’t See Pixels.” Works for me.

  4. I was actually going to go see this tonight, but you’ve definitely changed my mind. Now that you mention it, I don’t remember the last time I watched an Adam Sandler movie.

  5. I find this a little unfair. I am sure I can go back and fing 10 hateful critiques for at least the first, if not all the Star Wars films. I never trust paid critics. I want a geeky parent opinion! Our kids play Halo and Gears of War (older kids) but they also have a deep appreciation of all things classic video game because they have 2 geeky parents like us!

  6. The title of this article implies that we will get 10 reasons that Parents should be weary of letting their children see the movie, but this article has nothing to do with parents or children. It’s just 10 reasons you shouldn’t bother seeing Pixels no matter you age or family status.

  7. I understand your concerns with the moviemovie whiwhich could very well be justified. But maybe next time see it yourself instead of parroting other people. Be somewhat professional in your critique.

  8. Had already bought my tickets before I read this list of reviews and this set my expectations to zero. Since I could only go up from there I there I guess that helped. There was a little fan disservice in the story by having cheat codes for Pacman and Donkey Kong but that was really my biggest complaint (and Q*bert). Sandler wasn’t as much of a doofus as I had thought he would be, the other characters were likable, the special effects were very cool, and I thought the jokes were pretty funny. My kids enjoyed it too, even more so. So yeah, critics… debating gender stereotypes… etc… This film could easily be picked apart and tossed aside. It’s not Oscar material or something I want to see again anytime soon but I wasn’t expecting it would be. Did my “geek” family have fun and enjoy it for the time spent? Yes, we really did.

  9. You know I am all for pointing out some flaws and such but how can you do that if you have not seen the film for yourself. Quoting other critics and then not add anything of yourself is pretty weak. Pixels offers a lot more than it is given credit for. If people are interested read what that exactly is in my review. Review Pixels (2015)

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