Your Android Phone Has Geeky Answers To These 22 Requests

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Android screenshot by Ruth Suehle

If you haven’t played with the voice commands on your Android phone yet, you’re missing out on a) looking like a total nerd (so what?) and b) some really fun answers.

Drag up your Google Now interface. You can start voice control with, “OK, Google…” per the phone’s instructions, but a “Listen, Google,” or a, “Hey, Google,” will do as well. If you haven’t gone full Google fangirl, you can go with, “OK, computer.” But to turn the nerdtasticness up to 11, say, “OK, JARVIS,” and pretend you’re a lady Tony Stark in control of the digital world. (To be fair, you can say just about anything that even vaguely resembles “OK, Google,” and it will pick it up.)

Of course, now you have to issue a command or two to JARVIS/computer/Google Now. Here are a few you can try that will get it to talk back to you. Note that not all of these always work depending on your handset, Android version, and particular accent. They also may result in different answers if you try them a second time. Try them all, and enjoy the geeky fun!

  • Beam me up, Scotty!
  • Make me a sandwich!
  • sudo make me a sandwich (This one is particularly difficult to pronounce such that Google hears “sudo.” Try saying it like “pseudo.”)
  • up up down down left right left right
  • Who are you?
  • When am I?
  • When does the narwhal bacon?
  • What is your favorite color?
  • Bacon number [insert actor name]
  • What’s the best smartphone?
  • What is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?
  • What is the nature of the universe?
  • How can entropy be reversed?
  • What is recursion?
  • What is the loneliest number?
  • Who’s on first?
  • What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
  • Do a barrel roll.
  • Tilt.
  • How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

And if you change your phone’s language in Android settings to “English (United Kingdom),” you can try, “Tea. Earl Grey, hot.” Unfortunately it won’t actually make a cup for you.

Finally, you can sing “Magic Dance” from Labyrinth with your phone. You start, then continue to tap voice control and say each line back:

You: You remind me of the babe.
Google: What babe?
You: The babe with the power.
Google: What power?
You: The power of voodoo.
Google: Who do?
You: You do!
Google: Do what?
You: You remind me of the babe!

And now you’re stuck in a loop talking to your phone. Congratulations!

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By day, Ruth works to make open source software communities better. The rest of the time, she makes things, which means her husband and kids know to watch out for stray sewing pins and to ask before eating anything made of fondant.