Things I Never Thought I Would Say Until I Was a (Geeky) Parent

Image: Lisa Kay Tate
Image: Lisa Kay Tate

A few years ago, we were on an extended family vacation at Disneyland Park, when we watched my father coming out of the men’s room shaking his head and laughing to himself.

He said he heard a father and young son in the stall next to him. The dad calmly was pleading with the boy:  “No, son, give it here. No! Hand it to me. No! Don’t set it there. No, give it…awww you dropped it in the toilet.”

Although we will never know what “it” was, the absurdity and humor of this situation was something we could all relate to. That poor father’s plight not only had our sympathy, this anonymous commentary still continues to generate laughter in our home.

I was remembering this recently, and thought about how there are certain comments, phrases, unanswered questions, and deep discussions only parents can understand.  In a way it gives parents of all backgrounds a common bond. This relationship extends even deeper to the more exclusive, but ever-growing group, of the openly geeky.

As a part of this later group, here are a few of the pet phrases I never thought I would hear myself say out loud:

 First, there’s the random use of geeky nomenclature and phrases:

• “Quit pulling Sirius Black’s ears. It hurts him.”
Sirius Black is our dog.

• “Don’t touch anything with those sticky hands on the way to the bathroom. Zombie walk.”

• “If I step on Wolverine one more time I am throwing him away!”

• “Quit kissing Yoda on the mouth.”

• “No, it’s pronounced ‘Mee-OL-Neer.'”

• “No, it’s pronounced ‘Mix-yez-piddle-ick.’ What’s so funny?”

•  “I enjoyed the movie, but the book/comic was so much better.”
My poor kids–and husband and friends– have heard me utter that one too much.

• “Really, you don’t want to start with Episode I. Let mommy show you the ‘Machete Order.'”

Sometimes, the geeky table talk overheard by the youngest ones, can filter into the classroom…unfortunately.

• (To teacher) “No, we won’t let our daughter watch The Walking Dead.”
—  “Yes, she knows who Daryl is, because she’s heard us talking and his picture is all over magazines.”
—  “No, we don’t let her read zombie magazines. She’s just very perceptive.”
—  “She can also tell you what a Free Market System is, too. Does she ever discuss that, we’re very proud….No, just zombies. Thank you for the concern.”

There’s our out-of-whack holidays:

• “Yes, that’s a great Halloween costume idea, but it’s February”

• “Please don’t cry, Jack Skellington is still alive and will save Santa Claus.”

• “Yes, she is brave and strong, but Slave Leia isn’t an appropriate look for your age.”

• “Please quit harassing the zombie.”
You would think this was said around Halloween. It wasn’t.

• “You’re not asking Santa for a real crossbow.  How about a long bow?”
She now has one… Gee, thanks Santa.

• “I don’t care if he said he was there, let’s leave the TARDIS out of the Nativity set…this year.”

 And, this brings us to the constant stream of timey wimey comments….

• “Honey, that’s not a TARDIS, it’s a Porta-Potty, and I really don’t want to know if that is bigger on the inside.”

• “Quit telling your sister not to blink. It makes her eyes water”

• “We don’t chew on Daleks. They are fragile.”

• “If mine is big and goofy, yours is skinny and spazzy.”
This is just one of the comments from the ongoing mother/daughter Nine vs. Ten debate, all in good fun. We love them both.

Finally, here’s an expression I can’t imagine ever in my life uttering. I’m not sure if it is really geeky, but it is certainly EPIC.

• “Do not pick your nose with the narwhal.”

I know I’m not the only mom with her collection of geek-worthy comments, and I welcome one who wants to share their own classic to this list. We promise we won’t laugh…too much.

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Lisa Kay Tate is a veteran feature writer with 20 years experience in newspaper, magazine and freelance writing. In addition to serving as Associate Editor for her local arts and entertainment guide, El Paso Scene, she has been a regular contributor to the site ihogeek.com and maintains her own blogsite at lisathegeekmom.wordpress.com. She and her husband, writer/photographer Rick, live on the edge of "New Texico" where they keep busy raising their two geeklings and sharing space with their dog, Sirius Black, and cat, Loki.