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Have you ever considered just how funny a lot of movies could be, if only the producers had cast Muppets instead of humans? I mean, if you think the Terminator movies couldn’t get any more awesome, imagine them with Animal playing Schwarzenegger’s role. Hear Animal saying "Come with me if you want to live" in your head, and try not to laugh.
Now that you’ve got the idea, here are ten cast lists for movies (including that one) that would be made awesome or even more awesome by the replacement of the core actors with Muppets:
1. The Terminator & Terminator 2: Judgment Day – Animal is perfect for the Terminator—he’s menacing and monosyllabic. Obviously Miss Piggy has to be Sarah Connor, since the Muppets don’t have a lot of female characters and because Piggy is really good at kicking butt. Add in Kermit as Kyle Reese (for the romance angle) and then it follows that Robin ought to be John Connor. The last couple follow pretty naturally, since the only one who could play the T-1000 is Gonzo.
The Terminator : Animal
Sarah Connor : Miss Piggy
Kyle Reese : Kermit
John Connor : Robin
T-1000 : Gonzo
Miles & Tarissa Dyson : Dr. Bunsen Honeydew & Beaker
2. Star Wars Episodes IV, V, and VI – Most Muppet pastiches of Star Wars have Kermit as Luke and Piggy as Leia, but they never consider the fact that they’re supposed to be twins, and besides, Luke is whiny in a very non-Kermitlike way. I think Kermit’s much better as Obi-Wan, the wise warrior, and Link Hogthrob makes the perfect Luke. Most people pick Gonzo as Vader, but I like him better as the scoundrel hero Han Solo, especially since Gonzo was always in love with Miss Piggy. I think the Swedish Chef makes the perfect Chewbacca, as he’s tall and hard to understand. That doesn’t leave many choices for Vader; Fozzie’s all wrong, but I think Rizzo could pull it off.
Luke : Link Hogthrob
Leia : Miss Piggy
Han Solo : Gonzo
Chewbacca : The Swedish Chef
Obi-Wan Kenobi : Kermit
Darth Vader : Rizzo
Yoda : Yoda (He’s already a Muppet!)
3. Casablanca – The initial temptation is to cast Kermit as Rick, but I think Kermit is better as the utterly noble Victor Laszlo, with Miss Piggy as Ilsa by his side. Gonzo is much better as Rick, with his internal, and external, conflict between love, revenge, and the right thing to do. Rowlf is Sam, for who else could be? Captain Renault is a tough part to play, but I think Fozzie has the right cavalier attitude for the role.
Rick Blaine : Gonzo
Ilsa Lund Laszlo : Miss Piggy
Victor Laszlo : Kermit
Captain Renault : Fozzie
Sam : Rowlf
Signor Ferrari : Sam the Eagle
4. The Indiana Jones series – Kermit as Indy, of course.
Piggy as Marion. Probably Robin as Mutt, if you include the latest movie, making it that much funnier that the familial relationship isn’t obvious to Indy. Fozzie would make a good Henry Jones, Sr., both because he would bring a lot of humor to the role and because he would look good in Henry’s hat. Janice as Willie Scott. I think Elsa would be best played by a human, because it would make her betrayal of Indy that much more dramatic, so we’ll skip her.
Indiana Jones : Kermit
Marion Ravenwood : Miss Piggy
Henry Jones, Sr. : Fozzie
Willie Scott : Janice
Mutt Williams : Robin
Rene Belloq : The Swedish Chef (why not?)
Marcus Brody : Scooter
Sallah : Gonzo
(More after the jump.)
5. Blade Runner – Here’s where Kermit’s acting chops get a workout, as he plays the gritty Deckard hunting down replicants. Miss
Piggy is the beautiful replicant Rachael, and Gonzo plays the lead replicant Roy Batty. The other replicants are the members of the
Electric Mayhem. Just imagine Janis running through the streets of future L.A. in the rain with Kermit chasing her, or Gonzo delivering
Batty’s famous dying speech. Those scenes are lot funnier this way, aren’t they?
Rick Deckard : Kermit
Rachael : Miss Piggy
Roy Batty : Gonzo
Leon : Floyd
Zhora : Janice
Dr. Tyrell : Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
6. E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial – Remember how touching it was when E.T. raised his head skyward, lifted his hand, and said "Phone home?" Now, imagine Animal doing it…much better, isn’t it? Animal has the big soulful eyes, the uneven gait, and the limited vocabulary to play the part to perfection; plus, you probably could lure him to your house with candy. Elliott is a good part for Scooter, with Robin as Gertie—either Robin can do it in drag or the role can be switched to be a little boy. Michael, the older brother, should be Fozzie, I think. And Keys would have to be Gonzo, because he could definitely pull off the line about wanting to see an alien since he was 10 years old.
E.T. : Animal
Elliott : Scooter
Gertie : Robin
Michael : Fozzie
Keys : Gonzo
7. Pulp Fiction
– Yeah, a lot of it would have to be cut, because there are some things that you just don’t do to Muppets. But consider Fozzie and Gonzo as
Vincent and Jules, and replay the "Royale with cheese" scene in your head. Now add Kermit as Butch (Bruce Willis’s character), Sam the
Eagle as Marcellus, and Floyd and Janice as Pumpkin and Honey Bunny.
Now how awesome is it?
Vincent : Fozzie
Jules : Gonzo
Butch : Kermit
Marcellus Wallace : Sam the Eagle
Floyd : Pumpkin
Janice : Honey Bunny
8. The Princess Bride – Yes, it is possible to make a silly movie even sillier. Kermit and Piggy as Westley and Buttercup, of course. Gonzo as Inigo, because the not-quite-right accent and the overacting come naturally to him. Fozzie as Vizzini, because I can hear him saying "Inconceivable!" in my head with no problem. And
Sweetums would make an absolutely ideal Fezzik.
Westley : Kermit
Buttercup : Miss Piggy
Inigo : Gonzo
Fezzik : Sweetums
Vizzini : Fozzie
Prince Humperdinck : Sam the Eagle
Count Rugen : The Swedish Chef
9. The Back to the Future series – This is the perfect opportunity for Scooter’s first starring role, since he’d make a great
Marty McFly. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew has to be Doc Brown, since he was…born?…crafted?…to play the part. Marty’s parents have to be
Kermit and Piggy, for the romance aspect of things. And Fozzie would definitely work for Biff (and the other Biff-like roles), even though
Fozzie doesn’t usually play villains—Biff’s constant butchering of jokes (e.g., "Make like a tree and get out of here") make Fozzie perfect for the part. I don’t consider Jennifer, Marty’s girlfriend, an important enough role to worry about.
Marty McFly : Scooter
Doc Brown : Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
George McFly : Kermit
Lorraine Baines/McFly : Miss Piggy
Biff Tannen : Fozzie
Mr. Strickland : Gonzo
10. Stand by Me – I’m including this one because it’s so often overlooked on movie lists like this one, and it’s such a good movie it doesn’t deserve to be. I hope Wil Wheaton won’t mind, but I see Scooter playing Gordie. I see Gonzo as Chris and
Fozzie as Vern, the outspoken and the timid one respectively. Teddy is a tough character to cast, but I think Kermit has the range to pull it off. Link Hogthrob would do a great job as Ace. I think the rest of the characters are best played by humans.
Gordie : Scooter
Chris : Gonzo
Vern : Fozzie
Teddy : Kermit
Ace : Link Hogthrob
I took some inspiration, and copied the Blade Runner artwork, from this Muppet movie poster collection. Please forgive my poor Photoshop skills on the other graphics.