If you haven’t yet watched “Battle of the Bastards,” the ninth episode of this season’s Game of Thrones, and don’t want the events of the episode to be spoiled for you in this recap of the Game of Thrones Fantasy League Week 9, don’t read any further!
After a horrid performance the in the previous week’s contest, America’s Team came out swinging this week and scored a total of 310 points—the highest weekly total of any team so far. Their star player, Ramsay Bolton, left the game on injured reserve, but not before posting 105 points—30 points for his demented killing of Rickon Stark, 40 points for nailing Wun Wun right in the eye with an arrow, 30 points for a grisly and memorable death, and five points for declaring, “I am a man of mercy.” Like anyone believes that.
Wun Wun, the not-so gentle Wildling giant from north of the Wall, also sadly left the game this week, but he said goodbye with a stellar performance of 90 points—50 points for general battlefield devastation, plus an additional 15 points for style, and 30 points for a dying a hero’s death. [Yes, I know that totals 95 points, but Wun Wun was only given 90 points. An oversight perhaps? Or perhaps I missed something. There is an inquiry underway.]
Tormund Giantsbane also brought America’s Team 90 points—50 for his ferocity on the field of battle, 35 for using his teeth to rip out Smalljon Umber’s throat (he is Wildling after all), and five points for enlightening Davos about the merits of sour goat’s milk. To cap things off, Petyr Baelish ran in the final 25 points when he led the winning troops to the battlefield conveniently (perhaps too conveniently) at the last minute.
Arya’s Army continues to dominate the game, scoring an effortless 268 points this week. The biggest gains came from a somewhat unlikely player—Sansa Stark—with 105 points. She lead off the week with a trio of barbed zingers: “You’re going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton,” (10 points); “No one can protect me. No one can protect anyone,” (10 points); and “Your house will disappear. Your name will disappear. All memory of you will disappear,” (10 points). She also gained 30 points for her role in taking back Winterfell, and 45 points for using Ramsay’s own dogs to finally remove him from the game.
Jon Snow, the victorious Bastard of the show’s title, scored 73 points—50 for his battlefield prowess and 18 for pummeling Ramsay nearly to death with his gloved fists. Although he earned 30 points for ultimately (kind of?) winning the battle, he was penalized 25 points for being, and I quote, “the worst.”
Across the narrow sea, Daenerys Targaryen scored 50 points for Arya’s Army—25 for finally gaining herself a fleet of ships (left over from what her dragons didn’t scorch) and 25 for uniting with Yara Greyjoy and her now non-reaving Ironborn. Speaking of Yara, she brought in 40 points—25 for the aforementioned alliance and another 15 points for the best line of the episode: “I never demand, but I’m up for anything, really.”
The King’s Landing Queens played a strong game as well, putting up 200 points. The Dragons special team started off the game with a devastating 75 points—50 for selectively burning the fleet of the attacking Masters and 25 for Viserion and Rhaegal leaving the dungeon and entering the game (at last). The Queens also earned 40 points when Grey Worm removed the heads of two of the three head Masters.
Back in Westeros, Davos scored the Queens 35 points—25 for jumping into the battle and 10 points for figuring out what happened to Princess Shireen (and the role Melisandre played in that) during the last season. Finally, the Wildlings (another special team) brought in 50 points for their solid gemeplay during the titualr Battle of the Bastards.
Finishing in final place this week (and in the league standings) is my own Harrenhal Halberdiers, bringing in a mere 10 points. Ouch. In a week of triple-digit scores, my team barely managed to hit the double-digits courtesy of Dario Naharis and his ride-by khopesh strike to a random Son of the Harpy.
Even the undrafted Smalljon Umber and the Sons of the Harpy special team dominated the Halberdiers by earning 50 points each for general violence.
Only one Game of Game of Thrones remains this season, and it looks like Arya’s Army will be sitting in the Iron Throne when the dust clears. But all eyes will be on the battle for second place between the King’s Landing Queens and America’s Team, while the beleaguered Harrenhal Halberdiers will most likely be limping their way into fourth place—and quite possibly be relegated right out of the league.
Cumulative League Standings
- Arya’s Army … 963 points
- The Kings’ Landing Queens … 651 points
- America’s Team … 620 points
- Harrenhal Halberdiers … 409 points
Check out Emily Yoshida’s entertaining episode recap with full points totals and the rationale behind them over at The Verge.