Welcome back. I hope you had a good holiday break. While you were away, Barry and Patty have been shacking up. Hadn’t heard about that, huh? I’ve got all sorts of juicy gossip. Pull up a chair and sit a while and I’ll fill you in.
Now, Patty told Iris and Iris told me that Barry’s been having nightmares. That’s right, real doozies. Wakes up screaming and everything. But he’s not telling Patty what’s bothering him. Uh-uh. No sir.
I know, right? Barry’s usually so open. So free. A veritable fount of sharing. But not this time. He’s all clammed up like… well, like a clam, I guess.
Hey, give me back that keyboard! Gimme—
Sorry, folks. Someone or something had transformed my actual recap (my “kinetic” recap, if you prefer) into my “potential” recap. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was a metahuman.
You don’t know better, Mister High and Migh—
Sorry. I’ll try not to let it happen again. Something about this cold medicine must make me particularly susceptible to having my kinetic energy turned into potential energy. Which leads me into our recap of this week’s episode.
Barry is worried that Zoom will found out about Patty and, having been not just bested but downright humiliated, Barry is afraid that he can’t keep her safe. So, Barry does what Barry does best. Barry is guarded and keeps the people he cares about at arm’s length. Patty even goes to Iris for a little advice. It’s not Patty’s fault that she doesn’t know about Barry and Iris’ history; yes, Patty knows that Iris is like a sister to Barry, but she arrived in Central City too late to witness the “Barry mooning over Iris like a cold, lost, and hungry puppy” phase that was season one.
Iris shows that she’s the worst secret-keeper not named Peter Pettigrew and tells Barry that Patty came to her for help. Though she’s pretty poor as a confidant, Iris displays the Yoda-like wisdom she’s acquired this season and tells Barry that he needs to come clean with Patty if he wants to have a future with her, tacking on the zinger that she wishes that Barry had come clean with her right away.
Zing! Pow! Kick him when he’s down!
While Barry’s having trust issues and dealing with self-imposed feelings of inadequacy, Joe is getting all the inadequacies he needs but doesn’t deserve hurled upon him by Wally. Clearly Joe’s not much of a detective if he couldn’t figure out that he had a son. You know, because that’s how detectives are supposed to spend department resources. Looking up ex-wives to see whether or not they’ve given secretly birthed and raised a child.
Wally stands up Joe, Iris, and the “White Shadow” at dinner in order to fulfill his true mission in Central City. That’s right, Wally has a vial of… No, wait. Wally has an army of… No, wrong again. Well, Wally knows magic and… Nope. Wrong night of the week. Wally is a drag racer. That’s all. I know, still illegal (and his pops is still a cop). Wally tells Joe that no one back home in Keystone City will race him anymore, and Wally needs the winnings to pay for his mother’s hospital bills. Joe offers to help out, but Wally throws the offer back in Joe’s face.
They sure are hinting at bad blood between Wally, who is the son Joe had but didn’t raise, and Barry, the boy Joe raised even though Barry wasn’t his son. What if Zoom is Earth-2 Wally West! OMG! I gotta go tell Iris.
Sorry, where was I?
Even though Joe is distracted by family matters, he still manages time to know what his friends are up to, which can not be said for Barry. Apparently Cisco is the only one preparing for the metahuman apocalypse and has a secret (from Barry, at least) file on potential meta criminals in Central City. One such criminal is the White Whale to Cisco’s Captain Ahab. The Turtle.
How is a speedster supposed to stop a meta who can slow others around him by converting kinetic energy into potential energy, thereby all but stopping said speedster in his red boots? Barry can’t. Not at first. Not that his first shot at any meta has ever gone well. Barry checks out a press conference at CCPD, where the Turtle steals a set of valuable jewels right out from under everyone’s noses.
Take two. The team learns that a valuable work of art is going to be on display at a black-tie reception. Barry changes his dinner-and-cuddle date with Patty to the fancy reception, bringing Jay and Cait along as his wingmen… er, wingpersons, while Cisco and Wells pull a stakeout from the Star Labs van. Barry is this close to telling Patty everything–in spite of Wells’ warning that Zoom will find out and really will take Patty from him–when The Turtle is spotted.
C’mon, girl. You’re a detective! Your man leaves and The Flash shows up. Again.
Barry bails on Patty, who also spots The Turtle and draws on him. Blip, bloop, blorp, and Patty is disarmed. Ohhh… that’s one mean Turtle!
The hare calls out the tortoise. You’re trapped! But, while The Turtle is slow, he’s not stupid. He fires Patty’s gun at the chandelier, sending it crashing down toward Patty while The Flash pushes through The Turtle’s waves of energy to push her to safety.
All in a day’s work.
Back in her apartment, Patty is holding an envelope from Midway City University. Barry comes to make another of his patented half-hearted apologies, but Patty isn’t having it. She tells Barry that it’s been fun between them, but she’s ready for more than just a good time. What’s Barry ready for?
According to The Turtle, The Flash is ready for a future with Patty. That’s why The Turtle comes to Patty’s apartment and abducts her. He has a nasty preoccupation with taking the things that are most precious to people. For The Flash, that’s Patty. Barry has nothing new to take into battle with The Turtle. No darts full of serum. No gizmos nor gadgets. Just his determination to save Patty. The Flash makes a go at The Turtle, but is beaten handily. Again. The world’s fastest punching bag. Barry leaves, takes a lap in order to clear his head and build up a little more energy, then comes back for another attempt. This time Barry succeeds in stopping The Turtle and saving Patty.
If he was expecting gratitude, Barry was sorely mistaken. The next day, Barry is about to tell Patty everything–again–when Patty stops him and says she’s out of here. Not just CCPD. Not just Central City. Out of Barry’s life.
At least they have The Turtle on lockdown, right? Maybe they can use his power to—
Wait. No, my bad. Wells killed him.
But, at least Jay and Cait—
Nope again. Jay’s “sick” and the only cure is less Zoom.
On a brighter note, Joe does seem to make some peace with Wally. For now.
Tune in next week when—
OMG! Is that the Reverse Flash? And Gideon? Quick, I gotta go tell Iris!
So much potential.