Once Upon a Not-This-Time

ABC’s Season 4 teaser poster. It was released moments after the Season 3 finale, putting me off instantly.

For my entire life, I have been a bibliophile. I have been a fan of books, stories, tales, ditties, poems, and the like. I have been fond of twisting tales, of alternative perspectives, of crossing story lines, and mixing genres. I have sought out fairytale remakes, origin stories, and mash-ups.

I have also been an avid follower of Once Upon a Time since season one. I have written about it many times for GeekMom. I have even become so involved in the show that I’ve thrown things at my television.

And, as of this day, I will not be watching season three.

Here are my wrought-over thought processes:

1. The Frozen Factor. Okay, it was a good movie, the songs were catchy, and the sister thing was lovable. Yet, oh how I loathe the idea of the characters from Frozen gracing the screen with my beloved Regina and Emma.

My complaints are twofold.

Firstly, during the animated film FrozenI did not agree with the plot device that was Hans as bad guy. Up until the moment he turned into an evil man, I was utterly in love with the movie, convinced that Anna had found her prince, and that Elsa had found a man who could truly appreciate her icy qualities. So sue the feminist in me; I liked the mushy two-part happy ending. I therefore have no desire to see this evil Hans storyline played out over many weeks—none at all.

I also have a more basic dislike for the incorporation of the Frozen characters. Thus far, actual Disney fairytale references have been at the fringes of the storylines. They have been musical refrains, items of clothing, certain character traits. The main focus of each character has had a far broader frame of reference.

With the inclusion of these characters, we are simply pandering to the masses and going full-on Disney, Disney, Disney. Don’t get me wrong, I almost signed up to live in Celebration, but this is ridiculous.

2. The Sherwood Factor. I liked—no LOVED—the development of Regina’s character over the course of the last season. Her hard road to redemption, her even harder road to love, the realization of her own inner white magic. Oh Regina, how I love thee. Then she ends up with Robin Hood, the man Tinkerbell had pegged as her second chance. Beautiful.

I have no desire to watch him get all wishy washy over Marian then Regina, then Marian, then Regina. I don’t want to see Robin Hood without Maid Marian, but even more than that, I don’t want to see this Robin Hood without Regina.

3. The Kid Factor. Kids can only be involved in the main storyline of a series show for so long before they become annoying, to me anyway. Henry has always pushed that envelope, and I’d rather go out on somewhat of a high, and not see yet another “Operation Cobra” storyline from him.

Also, I fear that the awful Pinocchio will feature in more story lines instead of my beloved manly Pinocchio.

4. The Baby Factor. We all know that Snow and Charming are best when they have an enemy to fight, retorts to toss around, and some kick-ass forest action. Snow with PPD and Charming changing diapers? Not something I feel will lend itself to good storytelling.

That isn’t to say that there aren’t some things that might tempt me back. I hear rumblings that there will be more of Maleficent in the second-half story arc, and that I would love to see. My hope is that they play out all of the lamer story lines in the first half, and I can pick it back up again after the Winter break.

See you in January!