Under the Seat (To the Tune “Under the Sea”)

Reading Time: 2 minutes

CrabDads, listen to me. The driver’s seat, it’s a mess. But life under the seat is more terrifying than anything we’ve got up here.

[Cue marimba]

The mucor is always greenest, just after a three-week wait

You dream about pristine floor mats, but that is a big mistake

Just look at the world beneath you, right there in your kids’ back seat

Such wonderful things surround them. What’s this, oh it’s mystery meat!

 

Under the seat, under the seat

Oh dads it’s better, no Scarlet Letter

For being messy!

In other cars they might not know, the unspeakable joys of Playdough

Wedged into crannies (God damn that nanny…)

Under the seat!

 

Back there all the kids is happy, just chucking stuff on the floor

They glad ’cause it seem so easy, to pile up stuff to the door

But kids in the seat is lucky, they in for a worser fate

One day when the trash get sentient, guess who’s gon’ be on the plate?

 

Under the seat, Under the seat

Deforestation can’t beat the nation

Of pond-scum algae!

 

Dropped food since in the womb, makes for an ecosystem bloom

All that detritus, cause hepatitis

Under the seat, under the seat

Something that’s furry, makes my eyes blurry

Maybe it’s pee?

 

Even just around the block, feels like sixteen years on the clock

Old bits of liver make stomach quiver

Under the seat!

 

A half eaten bar, a green hard-boiled egg

Some gluten free chips, an old chicken leg

The skin from a snake, a stick that they found

The mess sent to test my soul! (Yeah)

 

Some brown and green slime, with mashed Oreos

A smell like a carp, that comes and it goes

The dog and the cat, won’t stay in the back

Just roll down the windows!

 

Under the seat, under the seat

Everything green since they been weaned

That’s where it’s seen!

 

All it would take’s a Hazmat suit, to clean up that flattened newt

Thanksgiving yam here, bits of dried jam here

Under the seat

Under the rug here, oh sh*t there’s slugs here

Under the seat

All that detritus, burst forth and bite us

It’s less than handsome, under the transom

How’s this my life here? (Don’t tell my wife here!)

Under the seat

***

Some posts are a little too close to home. And so I refuse to post a picture of the refuse under the seats of my Leaf. If you feel otherwise, we’ve got a nice forum this week for your electric vehicle pictures — specifically selfies. And also a chance to win $250 that goes a long way toward specialized backseat detailing at the CDC! Check out the EV Selfie Contest run by The Electric Generation. Snap a selfie with your EV and post it to FB or Twitter, tagged #EVSelfie. That’s it. You’re entered.

Get the Official GeekDad Books!