The Top 10 Geek Axioms

Geek Culture

Greedo shoots firstGreedo shoots first

Geek heresy!

Geeks love to argue, particularly with other geeks. We don’t just argue about whether Kirk or Picard is the better captain because we have deeply-held opinions on the subject — though some of us certainly do — but because, well, it’s fun. Even knowing intellectually that there isn’t any definitive way to compare “The City on the Edge of Forever” and “The Inner Light” doesn’t make debating which is better unimportant — we’re geeks, and that’s what we do.

I’ve written about the best ways to start a geek argument before, but that’s not honestly a terribly difficult thing to do. So, what about things all, or at least most, geeks agree on? I’ve done lists of geeky laws that govern reality, but that’s not quite the same thing. Here, then, for your consideration, is a list of the top ten things with which I feel reasonably safe in saying a large majority of geeks would agree.

(Now that I’m publishing the list, why do I have the strangest feeling it will incite more arguments?)

10. Being a Harry Potter fan is neither necessary nor sufficient to make you a geek, any more than seeing the movie Gettysburg is necessary or sufficient to make you a historian.

9. Batman is much cooler than Superman.

8. Caffeine and bacon make everything better (provided you’re not among those who don’t consume one or both for religious or medical reasons).

7. Lego makes the best toys in the world.

6. The MythBusters have the best jobs in the world, even if they do have to occasionally make things like the earwax candle, which was frankly one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen on TV.

5. ThinkGeek is the most dangerous website on the internet — to your wallet, that is. (Disclaimer: GeekDad and ThinkGeek collaborate on a lot of things. But I’d have included this even if we didn’t.)

4. Video games are art. The fact that some of them are the rough equivalent of “Dogs Playing Poker” or a velvet painting of Elvis does not change that.

3. Vampires do not sparkle.

2. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is not.

1. Han shot first. (This one was a no-brainer.)

So, what’d I miss?

Image copyright Lucasfilm Ltd. Used under Fair Use.

[This article was originally published on GeekDad in September of 2011.]

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