The Avengers: The Hulk – Biggest, Greenest, Meanest Hero Ever?


Avengers- Hulk and HawkeyeAvengers- Hulk and Hawkeye

Image: Disney/Marvel

You may have read a recent piece on this blog about Hawkeye. Jim MacQuarrie’s brilliant (if we do say so ourselves) article from last Thursday has been reprinted and quoted all over the internet, it seems — agree or disagree with it, people are talking about it. And, in at least one case that we know of, writing an excellent parody of it.

Jim’s article was linked to on the always-interesting group blog MetaFilter the same day it was published, and among the various (refreshingly non-troll-like) comments was a spot-on, well-crafted, hilarious parody of the article by a user with the handle “Greg Nog.” Greg Nog‘s real name is Greg Erskine, and he has very kindly given us permission to reprint his parody here (unmodified):

blockquote cite {display:inline;}

So, Hulk. Wow. Where do I begin? I’ve been teaching kids to “Hulk Out” for the better part of a decade, and I think it’s safe to say that I’m something of an expert. Mark Ruffalo says that he took some rudimentary Hulking lessons before filming The Avengers, but looking at some of the film stills from Avengers promotional materials, I think it’s clear that he either had a really bad teacher (unfortunately, Hollywood is rife with them) or simply didn’t pay attention. Let’s take a look at his form.

First, check out this still. Looks great, right? Sadly, no, it only looks “Hollywood great.” What we have here is the classic Scream Pose. Open mouth, flexed back, kind of the whole Whitmanian Yawp thing going on. But take a look at Ruffalo’s neck here. Notice anything missing? That’s right; the tendons aren’t standing out. Barely a tendon to be seen. Nearly Tendon-free, I daresay. It’s impressively thick, that neck, sure, but is thickfulness really going to help when you’re trying to instill fear into a flying robot snake? Not really.

To get a better sense of how to make those tendons really shine, take a look at this photo of Macho Man (and honorary Hulk) Randy Savage. Note that he’s pushing his head upward, bringing the corners of his mouth down. This really makes the tendons “pop”, and is what we generally try to go for when we’re roaring in childlike rage. You can try it yourself at home, if you have a mirror and a neck handy. When you let loose a scream of blind fury, try to imagine your head actually detaching itself from your shoulders. Now pull the corners of your mouth back in a horrible rictus, trying to get your back molars to show themselves as much as possible. See how the tendons stand out a bit more? Exactly. This isn’t rocket science, folks.

Now let’s take a look at another shot from the film — this one, of Ruffalo running toward the camera (and, presumably, toward a big enemy of some kind). Not bad form on the shoulders, which are appropriately focused on smashing and shattering things around him. But what’s going on with the sides of Ruffalo’s nose? His interior cheek region is drawn up in a way that seems to say “I smell something bad nearby” or “I am grossed out”. Was there some odorous Limburger on set? Was he looking at a sexy picture of his parents? Was he taught by Ron Weasley, who made this move famous in the Harry Potter films? That, I do not know; all I can see is that Ruffalo’s Incredible “Hulk” is looking more like an Incredible “Don’t!” (as in, Don’t Do That).

For a more accurate Hulking Out, let’s take a look at Lou Ferrigno, currently the number one ranked Hulk in the North American division. Note that unlike Ruffalo, Ferrigno is grimacing in a way that suggests he’s totally real mean and stuff, rather than simply real disgusted. His nose is still wrinkled, and his upper teeth are still exposed, but he’s clearly got more of a “Hey, I’m going to punch you soon, maybe right now! Or in the immediate future!” vibe than Ruffalo has.

Ultimately, I know these details are going to be lost on 99 percent of filmgoers. Will these mistakes effect anyone’s enjoyment of the movie? Probably not; most of the American public has never been the victim of Gamma Ray experimentation, and thus they’ve never experienced the gigantism and verdancy I (and my good friend Doc Samson; Doc, if you’re reading this, stay cool!) know all too well. But frankly, with just a few short Hulking classes at my very affordable rates, Ruffalo could have brought up the levels of realism in this film by at least a thousandfold. And that’s one “Hulk-Fact”…. you can take all the way to the bank!

Thanks for the laughs, Greg!

If you know of any other good parodies of Jim’s article, or if you’d like to try your hand at it yourself, please do so in the comments here or on GeekDad’s community site.

Liked it? Take a second to support GeekDad and GeekMom on Patreon!