100 Quotes Every Geek Should Know

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Image by Wikimedia user Xander.Image by Wikimedia user Xander.

Image by Wikimedia user Xander.

One thing that every geek can do is quote their favorite geek-culture media, whether it’s movies, books, television, theater or music. The GeekDads have tried to compile a list of such quotes for your enjoyment. This list is certainly not definitive. Indeed, it’s only the beginning! Feel free to add your own (clean) ones in the comments below.

        1. “Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.” — Dennis the Peasant, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
        2. “Three rings for the Elven kings under the sky, seven for the Dwarf lords in their halls of stone, nine for the mortal men doomed to die, one for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie. One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring the bring them all, and in the darkness bind them. In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.” –LOTR
        3. “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” – HAL, 2001: A Space Odyssey
        4. “Spock. This child is about to wipe out every living thing on Earth. Now, what do you suggest we do….spank it?” — Dr. McCoy, Star Trek: The Motion Picture
        5. “With great power there must also come — great responsibility.” – Amazing Fantasy #15 (August 1962)
        6. “If you can’t take a little bloody nose, maybe you oughtta go back home and crawl under your bed. It’s not safe out here. It’s wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it’s not for the timid.” — Q, Star Trek: The Next Generation “Q Who?”
        7. “Five card stud, nothing wild. And the sky’s the limit” — Captain Jean Luc Picard, uttering the last line of the series, Star Trek: The Next Generation “All Good Things…”
        8. “If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want… Well, that’s where you’re right. But – and I am only saying that because I care – there’s a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.” – Chris Knight, Real Genius
        9. “We’re all very different people. We’re not Watusi. We’re not Spartans. We’re Americans, with a capital ‘A’, huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We’re the underdog.” – John Winger, Stripes
        10. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” – Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

        1. “I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” – Ty Webb, Caddyshack
        2. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE – God (Douglas Adams), So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
        3. “Some days, you just can’t get rid of a bomb!” – Adam West, Batman & Robin
        4. “Bill, strange things are afoot at the Circle K.” – Ted, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
        5. “Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.” – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
        6. “Didja ever look at a dollar bill, man? There’s some spooky shit goin’ on there. And it’s green too.” – Slater, Dazed and Confused
        7. “Alright, alright alright.” – Wooderson, Dazed and Confused
        8. “Heya, Tom’, it’s Bob from the office down the hall. Good to see you, buddy; how’ve you been? Things have been alright for me except that I’m a zombie now. I really wish you’d let us in.” Jonothan Coulton, Re: Your Brains
        9. “Never argue with the data.” – Sheen, Jimmy Neutron
        10. “Oooh right, it’s actually quite a funny story once you get past all the tragic elements and the over-riding sense of doom.” – Duckman (Jason Alexander)
        11. “Fantastic!” – The Doctor (Christopher Eccleston), Doctor Who
        12. “I must not fear. / Fear is the mind-killer. / Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. / I will face my fear. / I will permit it to pass over me and through me. / And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. / Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. / Only I will remain.” – Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, Dune
        13. “This is the way society functions. Aren’t you a part of society?” – Kramer, Seinfeld
        14. “Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president.” – Jack Burton, Big Trouble in Little China
        15. “No matter where you go, there you are. ” – Buckaroo Banzai, Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension
        16. “Do you know of the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space.” -Khan, ST:TWOK
        17. “Ray, if someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!” – Winston, Ghostbusters
        18. “Greetings, programs!” -Flynn, TRON
        19. “I guess you picked the wrong god-damned rec room to break into, didn’t you?!” -Burt, Tremors
        20. “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” -Darth Vader, Star Wars
        21. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side, kid.” -Han Solo, Star Wars
        22. “Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
        23. “It’s a moral imperative.” – Chris Knight, Real Genuis
        24. “Talk with your mouth full / bite the hand that feeds you / bite off more than you can chew / dare to be stupid” – Weird AL “dare to be stupid.”
        25. “Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning’s reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.” – Egon, Ghostbusters
        26. “This episode was BADLY written!” -Gwen, Galaxy Quest
        27. “Worst. Episode. Ever.” – Comic Book Guy, The Simpsons
        28. “Goonies never say die.” -Mike, The Goonies
        29. “Nothing shocks me–I’m a scientist.” – Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
        30. “Bright light! Bright light!” – Gremlins
        31. “The Road goes ever on and on/Down from the door where it began/Now far ahead the Road has gone/And I must follow, if I can/Pursuing it with eager feet/Until it joins some larger way/Where many paths and errands meet/And whither then? I cannot say.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings
        32. “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!” – Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters
        33. “If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” – Albert Einstein
        34. “Wait a minute, Doc. Ah… Are you telling me you built a time machine… out of a DeLorean?” – Marty McFly, Back to the Future
        35. “Don’t call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight blob of grease!” – C3PO, Star Wars
        36. “I’d just as soon kiss a wookiee!” – Princess Leia, The Empire Strikes Back
        37. “But one thing’s sure: Inspector Clay is dead, murdered, and somebody’s responsible.” – Detective, Plan 9 from Outer Space
        38. “I know kung fu.” – Neo, The Matrix
        39. “This is your receipt for your husband… and this is my receipt for your receipt.” – Officer, Brazil
        40. “Your soul-suckin’ days are over, amigo!” – Elvis, Bubba Ho-Tep
        41. “I don’t believe there’s a power in the ‘verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful. Sometimes you just wanna duct-tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month.” – Malcolm Reynolds, Firefly (episode: “Serenity” (pilot))
        42. “Would you say I have a plethora of piñatas?” – El Guapo, ¡Three Amigos!
        43. “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” Vizzini, The Princess Bride
        44. “There is no Earthly way of knowing… which direction we are going. There is no knowing where we’re rowing, or which way the river’s flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a’blowing? Not a speck of light is showing so the danger much be growing. Are the fires of hell a’glowing? Is the grisley reaper mowing? YES! The danger must be growing for the rowers keep on rowing AND THEY’RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!” – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
        45. “Time…to die.” – Roy Batty, Blade Runner
        46. “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds” J. Robert Oppenheimer
        47. “Check, please.” – Lone Starr & Barf, Spaceballs
        48. “So say we all.” – Battlestar Galactica
        49. “After very careful consideration, sir, I’ve come to the conclusion that your new defense system sucks.” – General Beringer, WarGames.
        50. “I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.” – Wash, Serenity
        51. “No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for.” – Young Frankenstein
        52. “Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat: a Studebaker.” Fozzie, The Muppet Movie
        53. “He’s dead, Jim.” McCoy, ST:TOS
        54. “Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint – it’s delicious!” – Kramer, Seinfeld
        55. “Bring out your dead.” Monty Python and the Holy Grail
        56. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!” -Inigo, The Princess Bride
        57. “Why a duck? Why-a no chicken?” – Chico Marx, Cocoanuts
        58. “Redrum.” Danny, The Shining
        59. “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows.” – announcer, The Shadow radio drama
        60. “We’re going to need a bigger boat.” – Chief Brody, Jaws
        61. “Oooh, ahhh, that’s how it always starts. Then later there’s running and screaming.” – Ian Malcolm, The Lost World: Jurassic Park
        62. “Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.” Criswell, Plan 9 from Outer Space
        63. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!” – President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove
        64. “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” – Obi-Wan, Star Wars
        65. “Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” – Taylor, Planet of the Apes
        66. “You maniacs! You blew it up! Oh, damn you! Damn you all to hell!” – Taylor, Planet of the Apes
        67. “Klaatu barada nikto.” The Day the Earth Stood Still
        68. “Monsters from the Id.” – Doc Ostrow, Forbidden Planet
        69. “ET phone home.” – ET
        70. “What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?” – Bridgekeeper, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
        71. “We thought you was a toad!” – Delmar, O Brother Where Art Thou?
        72. “Face it tiger, you just hit the jackpot!”–Mary Jane, Spider-Man.
        73. “You don’t have to be a gun.”-Hogarth, The Iron Giant.
        74. “Danger Will Robinson! Danger!” – Robbie the Robot, Lost in Space
        75. “Yeah, well. The Dude abides.” – The Dude, The Big Lebowski
        76. “All things serve the beam.” various instances, The Dark Tower series
        77. “You can’t fool me! There ain’t no Sanity Clause!” – Chico Marx, A Night at the Opera
        78. “Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.” – Harry Lime, The Third Man
        79. “And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…” – Milton Waddams, Office Space
        80. “Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be.” – Peter Gibbons, Office Space
        81. “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.” – John McClane (in writing), Die Hard
        82. “Gimme some sugar, baby.” – Ash, Army of Darkness
        83. “Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I’ve got news for you pal, you ain’t leadin’ but two things, right now: Jack and sh*t… and Jack left town.” – Ash, Army of Darkness
        84. “Kneel before Zod.” – Zod, Superman II
        85. “Shall we play a game?” – Joshua, WarGames
        86. “Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.” – Samantha, Night of the Comet
        87. “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.” “Hit it!” – Elwood, The Blues Brothers
        88. “Make it so” / “Engage” – Captain Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation
        89. “Ya Ta!” – Hiro Nakamura, Heroes
        90. “End Of Line” – The MCP, TRON

[Note: This post originally ran in 2009.]

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