Our humans are funny creatures. There’s the sitting, the eating, the sleeping, the scratching. We’ve trained them to come when we need something and they carry the bags during our walk — those opposable thumbs are good for something.
But I mean, really? There’s the funny box with the strange noises coming from it that lull them into resting. Every once in a while, the noise sounds like what calls our humans to the door. They laugh when we go there and it’s come from the box, but they still carry the bags from our walks.
Our humans also spend so much time sleeping. We just want to spend some time with our humans, but they go upstairs leaving us downstairs. Eight or ten hours later they wander down to see us. They laugh at us as we sleep during the day, but they don’t know all that goes on while they sleep. More on that later.
Which brings us to food. Our humans mention they are glad they don’t eat the same things day after day like us dogs. What they don’t realize is their morning stop at Starbucks and their being mayor of the local McDonalds and Burger King on foursquare means they eat a lot of the same stuff like we do day after day after day.
Besides, we’ve trained our humans to let us have some of the food they eat. We’ve trained them to give us treats when we go outside. We’ve trained Starbucks and banks to give us treats if we stick our head out of the car window at the drive-thru.
Sometimes they leave without taking us with them. They grumble (especially on Monday mornings) about wanting a dog’s life — eating and sleeping.
What they don’t realize is that we sleep during the day because of the work we do at night. Our humans see us as pets (their word for us) that don’t do much. We’re big proponents of …
…our apologies… We are big proponents of plausible deniability. Yes, yes, we are. Allowing the stereotype of not doing much – even to the point of allowing a popular cartoon to make this a big joke is allowed.
It is often the younger humans that wonder if we aren’t involved in crime fighting or saving the world from imminent destruction. We wag our tails and lick their faces to make them giggle while the taller, older humans give seventeen reasons why Dogs could not possibly do much besides eat and sleep.
We’ll let them go along with their delusions. Besides, the evil in the world comes in the form of cats. We hate cats, but we love a good belly rub and some rawhide to chew before a good nap. Yes, it’s a tough life but someone’s got to do it… besides, we like that our humans pick up after us.