Top Ten Complaints of Gandalf

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Whether through the novels or the much lauded film trilogy, we all know Gandalf from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. He shall ever be that gray-haired sorcerer, who represents the deep knowledge which is at times illuminating, at other times destructive. Like many of the more powerful and prominent characters of the trilogy, his true self is elusive. He takes on so many names: Gandalf, Mithrandir, Olorin, the White Rider, Stormcrow, Tharkun, etc.

But there is another side to the Gray-then-White Wizard of Middle Earth. There is a side that is more troubled than you might think with the baser issues of Middle Earth. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present to you…

The Top Ten Complaints of Gandalf!

10.  All the merchandising royalties are going to that McKellen schmuck.

9.  His first wife left him for Saruman.

8. There is a little known fact about hobbits: they bathe less than the French.

7. Everyone left him to clean up the Ent-droppings from Orthanc.

6. It is practically impossible to stay white while slaughtering 10,000 Uruk-Hai Orcs.

5. He gets late-night crank phone calls from someone who sounds suspiciously like George Lucas.

4. Certain hobbits insist on being referred to as “vertically challenged”.

3. Rednecks often yell, “Go back to California, ya long-haired hippie!”

2. Every time Pippin gets drunk he wonders if he isn’t an elf trapped in a hobbit’s body.

1. He was only dead for half a movie, and Aragorn already sold his stereo.

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