9. Start hardening the defenses of your home now. You’ll want peace of mind when the food riots start. Reference zombie flicks and/or the Mad Max movies for helpful hints.
8. Listen to the person who says "We better take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure" the first time!
7. You can increase your chances of winning prizes in any given contest by entering 1,000,000 times. Understanding mail-merge can help.
6. If anyone suggests vesting "temporary powers" in the
Chancellor President, bludgeon them to unconsciousness immediately.
4. Remember this phrase: "I, for one, welcome our new
[alien/robot/intelligent ape] overlords."
3. Everything you ever needed to know to survive you learned from MacGyver.
2. Encourage your congressional representatives to vote "no" on the government’s proposed program to replace food stamps with free handouts of "processed ration wafers."(i.e. no Soylent Green!)
1. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart!