Dating is a big topic in my household right now. For starters, my daughter is a teenager. Plus, I’m a single GeekDad now (help me). A lot of my friends in my same situation have been talking to me about dating and their own experiences. This led to a conversation in the GeekDad back room, and the below Geek Dating “Rules.” In true SF tradition, these rules are more like guidelines – break them, sure, but keep them around as a reference.
Fellow GeekDad Mike LeSauvage points out that a classic Star Trek concept applies here – Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations. “
10. The Prime Directive.
For the unfamiliar (both of you), the Prime Directive in Star Trek is to not interfere in the development of other worlds. While this could easily be seen as “don’t date anyone underage,” that’s a no-brainer (one hopes!). Instead, I speak of the flip-side of #10: trying to change your partner. I mean both in general, and specifically don’t be a Geek Imperialist. Don’t force your tastes and views on your partner (I knew way too many guys in college who thought they could get their girlfriends to read JLA because they read Sandman). Be with the person they are, not the one you think they might be. Don’t expect someone to change to like what you do, the way you do.
Don’t put all your cards on the table and don’t expect your potential partner to. Keep a little mystery, especially early days. Don’t tell them what you got them for your birthday, etc. And don’t snoop! Ugh. No one loves a snoop.
8. Knowing Is Half the Battle.
On the flipside, pay attention to your partner. It’s one thing to keep some mystery, it’s another to be oblivious. Don’t take them for granted. Actually talk. Also: Note that it is 2016 and you no longer have any excuse to forget a birthday or whatnot. There are apps for that.
7. As You Wish.
But don’t just talk. Corrina Lawson wants you to remember that actions speak. Use that knowledge from #8 and act on it. That’s the other half.
6. There Can Be Only One.
Okay, before everyone gets mad at me, it’s not what you think. Despite “There Can Be Only One” being the Highlander slogan–notice how there are always other immortals running around anyway?–what’s important is to define what “oneness” is for you. As Jenny Bristol points out: “
5. Our Princess Is in Another Castle.
When you are out looking for the One don’t elevate him/her to an insane pedestal. I mean to the point where they are basically your fetish object/prize. You’ll eventually be let down, because of what you’ve created in your head. Life is not a video game. You are not player one and you don’t get to “win” the significant other. No one “owes you” a date for “rescuing them” (personally, I’m a big fan of the fan theory that Mario isn’t rescuing Daisy at all; he’s an interloper).
4. Curse Your Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal.
Find me two people who agree all the time. Not going to happen. The fact is, you’re going to fight. Over geek stuff (Wait, you think Voyager is better than Deep Space Nine? I’m dating a monster) and other stuff (No, I washed so you should fold). Don’t be afraid to disagree, and also don’t be too quick to escalate. Pick your battles and decide what’s worth it. One fight won’t end a relationship, but not handling the underlying issues always will.
3. Whosoever Holds This Hammer, If He Be Worthy, Shall Possess the Power of Thor.
1. Don’t Panic.
Seriously, just don’t. Know where your towel is, have fun storming the castle, etc. Life is too short to worry all the time. A relationship is work (so much work) – and yes, it’s going to feel like work – but be sure to have fun. Be sure to laugh. With each other, at each other, and at yourself. There’s enough dark stuff out there.
That’s it for us – what are your Geek Dating rules? Share in the comments.