11 Rules for When Your Geeklet Starts Dating

Reading Time: 5 minutes
star-trek-dating-site
Yes, this is a real site. NO I will not give the URL. Source: GIS

Dating is a big topic in my household right now. For starters, my daughter is a teenager. Plus, I’m a single GeekDad now (help me). A lot of my friends in my same situation have been talking to me about dating and their own experiences. This led to a conversation in the GeekDad back room, and the below Geek Dating “Rules.” In true SF tradition, these rules are more like guidelines – break them, sure, but keep them around as a reference.

11. IDIC.
Fellow GeekDad Mike LeSauvage points out that a classic Star Trek concept applies here – Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations. “It’s OK, maybe good even, to be with someone who doesn’t love the things you love. It can even be an opportunity to share a new experience with them. As long as they don’t denigrate you or your interests.” Seek out new worlds, boldly go, and all that. Share what you love with who you love.

Randall Munroe gets it. Source and copyright XKCD.com
Randall Munroe gets it.
Source and copyright XKCD.com

10. The Prime Directive.
For the unfamiliar (both of you), the Prime Directive in Star Trek is to not interfere in the development of other worlds. While this could easily be seen as “don’t date anyone underage,” that’s a no-brainer (one hopes!). Instead, I speak of the flip-side of #10: trying to change your partner. I mean both in general, and specifically don’t be a Geek Imperialist. Don’t force your tastes and views on your partner (I knew way too many guys in college who thought they could get their girlfriends to read JLA because they read Sandman). Be with the person they are, not the one you think they might be. Don’t expect someone to change to like what you do, the way you do.

Like if you ask who her favorite Doctor is and she says her internist? BE NICE! Source: BBC.

9. Spoilers!
Don’t put all your cards on the table and don’t expect your potential partner to. Keep a little mystery, especially early days. Don’t tell them what you got them for your birthday, etc. And don’t snoop! Ugh. No one loves a snoop.

Well, you know, usually. Source BBC (again).

8. Knowing Is Half the Battle.
On the flipside, pay attention to your partner. It’s one thing to keep some mystery, it’s another to be oblivious. Don’t take them for granted. Actually talk. Also: Note that it is 2016 and you no longer have any excuse to forget a birthday or whatnot. There are apps for that.

7. As You Wish.
But don’t just talk. Corrina Lawson wants you to remember that actions speak. Use that knowledge from #8 and act on it. That’s the other half.

Just don't go all Dark Willow, okay? Source: CW.
Just don’t go all Dark Willow, okay?
Source: CW.

6. There Can Be Only One.
Okay, before everyone gets mad at me, it’s not what you think. Despite “There Can Be Only One” being the Highlander slogan–notice how there are always other immortals running around anyway?–what’s important is to define what “oneness” is for you. As Jenny Bristol points out: “What it comes down to is that for some people ‘there can be only one’ at a time, but for other people there can be multiple. Communication and agreement on the foundation of a relationship is vital.” So be monogamous, be poly, but be on the same page. Also? The One you are with now could be played by someone else in the next installment in the franchise, if you know what I mean.

5. Our Princess Is in Another Castle.
When you are out looking for the One don’t elevate him/her to an insane pedestal. I mean to the point where they are basically your fetish object/prize. You’ll eventually  be let down, because of what you’ve created in your head.  Life is not a video game. You are not player one and you don’t get to “win” the significant other. No one “owes you” a date for “rescuing them” (personally, I’m a big fan of the fan theory that Mario isn’t rescuing Daisy at all; he’s an interloper).

4. Curse Your Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal.
Find me two people who agree all the time. Not going to happen. The fact is, you’re going to fight. Over geek stuff (Wait, you think Voyager is better than Deep Space Nine? I’m dating a monster) and other stuff (No, I washed so you should fold). Don’t be afraid to disagree, and also don’t be too quick to escalate. Pick your battles and decide what’s worth it. One fight won’t end a relationship, but not handling the underlying issues always will.

3. Whosoever Holds This Hammer, If He Be Worthy, Shall Possess the Power of Thor.
Thor’s hammer has a spell so only “worthy” people can lift it. You’re a hammer. Don’t let anyone unworthy pick you up. Now, worthiness could mean a lot of things. But at the end of the day, don’t let anyone treat you like less than you are (while still keeping #5 in mind – remember). And you, reader, are made of star stuff and awesomeness. Although, keep the next one in mind too.

And before you comment, yes we ALL thought of the Doctor Horrible joke. You are not original. Source: The twisted mind of Joss Whedon.
And before you comment, yes we ALL thought of the “Doctor Horrible” joke. You are not original.
Source: The twisted mind of Joss Whedon.

2.The Force Doesn’t Work That Way!
(That doesn’t count as a spoiler, right?) Anyway, Mike LeSauvage has another darn good point. You don’t have to be on a relationship quest, but you do need to interact with the people and world around you to make yourself visible and interesting to others.

Don’t make them have to use a #where’s[yourname] tag. Source: Disney.
1. Don’t Panic.
Seriously, just don’t. Know where your towel is, have fun storming the castle, etc. Life is too short to worry all the time. A relationship is work (so much work) – and yes, it’s going to feel like work – but be sure to have fun. Be sure to laugh. With each other, at each other, and at yourself. There’s enough dark stuff out there.

That’s it for us – what are your Geek Dating rules? Share in the comments.

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