Do you spend money on things and then forget that you’ve purchased them until they arrive on your doorstep? Do you frequently pester your family, friends, and even total strangers to patronize the arts? Have you found yourself sinking money you don’t have into crazy ideas? Is your conversation full of jargon like “stretch goals” and “overfunded”? Does your heart beat a little faster at the mention of unfinished prototypes?
If you answered “yes” to these questions, you may be suffering from turbafiscitis (or TF). TF is caused by overexposure to crowdfunding campaigns.
Although TF may seem like a harmless quirk, it should be taken seriously. It’s important to know that you’re not alone. According to Kickstarter’s home page, over 91,000 people fell victim to TF during the Veronica Mars campaign, and just last month they announced that TF sufferers have chalked up over $1 billion in pledges—and that’s just on Kickstarter alone! Plenty of sites have cropped up that take advantage of this epidemic: Indiegogo, Fundly, FundAnything, and many more. And it is an epidemic! More people are joining the “crowdfunding revolution” every day, and studies show that having somebody in your social group who suffers from TF raises the probability that you will eventually succumb yourself.
Fortunately, there’s a solution!
Quitstarter is a 12-step program specifically designed for those who can’t help throwing piles of cash at anyone with a catchy video or free international shipping. If you or a loved one need help with TF, this program helps to stop the madness through community, accountability, and discipline. There are also real-world exercises that help curb your habits, like waiting until all project rewards are delivered until you back another project. Repeating the mantra: “I am complete even if my color wheel is not” is another good habit that can replace a harmful one.
Of course, to make Quitstarter a reality, GRQ Schemes needs your help. They’re currently running a fundraising campaign and they need $83,000 by the end of the day today, with only $82,984 left to go. The money raised will go toward developing the program, training staff across the world, printed materials and online resources, and catering. The funding goal will cover the first 6 steps, but if they exceed their goal there are stretch goals in place for the next 6 steps. In fact, if there’s enough support, they’ve even hinted at 3 more steps that will be added as exclusives—only people who back the campaign will have access to these 3 steps, which will not be a part of the regular Quitstarter program.
The program (if funded) will be ready to go in September 2016. If Quitstarter really takes off, GRQ Schemes also has plans to introduce programs targeted at other conditions, such as Candy Crush addiction and Flappy Bird withdrawal.
Whether you’re getting help for yourself or somebody you know, Quitstarter looks like it could be a fantastic resource for battling turbafiscitis. Please head over and make your pledge today!
This is, of course, an April Fools joke, but real addiction is no laughing matter. Please crowdfund responsibly.
6 thoughts on “Help for Crowdfunding Addicts”
Hi, my name is John. I’ve backed over 40 kickstarters. I would like to stop, but can we wait until after the Dwarven Forge kickstarter closes? Oh and I need to make an exception for the next Bones Kickstarter and the Myth expansion…
Hi, John, you may be interested in a new service I’m starting called Quickstarter. Simply send me your Kickstarter login information and fill out a checklist of things you’re interested in: zombie miniatures, comics about talking animals, chocolate, documentary films, etc. Then, whenever a project launches that matches your interests, Quickstarter will automagically back it at the level with the best combination of exclusive swag and early bird pricing. You’ll never have to worry about missing out again!
OMG, I would actually want that service! lol. Kickstarter does a terrible job with their search and promoting projects that I would back. They certainly should know what I like by now! 🙂
Ha! I totally need Quitstarter–been overloaded with meaningless backer updates for months now! The ones I care most about are (and I’m not making this up) YEARS behind schedule. There’s only one that I regret paying money for, so I shouldn’t complain too loudly. 🙂
One thing I just discovered recently is that you can turn off updates for individual projects in Kickstarter. Go to your settings, Notifications, and you’ll see a bit for “manage ## project notifications.” It’s a bit clunky, but you can turn notifications off for projects you don’t want updates from.
Lol! Kickstater is a pretty fun Meta game! But…please addicts don’t click this link http://kck.st/1kvHzfm – as I am addicted to promoting kickstarter campaigns. Is there help for me as well?
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