How to Keep Your Geek Cred After Seeing WALL-E

Geek Culture

As any proper geek, or anyone who’s ever seen a movie with one, knows, it is absolutely essential to nitpick every movie you see.  The amount of nitpicking should always be in inverse proportion to the quality of the movie, because that way you avoid ruining really good movies and you make lousy movies more fun by picking them into little, tiny pieces of nonsensical plot.

To fail to nitpick after seeing a movie is to lose a certain measure of geek cred, particularly if you saw the movie with other geeks.  To prevent this catastrophe from befalling our readers who see WALL-E (which by the way is the best movie I’ve seen this year and you should all go out and see it right now), we hereby provide a list of things you can nitpick about after seeing it.  Send it to your iPhone/Blackberry, or—if you must—print it out for your hipster PDA and take it with you so you can sit back and enjoy the film without having to find the little things you can find fault with later.  This list does not contain any spoilers for anyone who has seen a trailer for or read any review of the movie.

  • Robots falling in love?  Please.
  • Sound doesn’t travel in space.  Everyone knows that.  The space scenes would be kinda dull without the sound?  Doesn’t matter.
  • EVE stands for "Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator," right?  So how come she’s looking for plants on Earth?  It should be "terrestrial," not "extraterrestrial!"
  • Could the 2001: A Space Odyssey references have been any more obvious?
  • The Axiom has been jettisoning its trash into space for 700 years?  Where does it get the raw material to fix the machines, feed the people, keep the engines going, etc.?  I know the movie’s trying to make a point about excess, but a ship like that just couldn’t keep going that long without recycling!
  • The waving?  Seriously.  It’s cute and all, but it got a little out of hand.  Pun intended.
  • Why does EVE have to have a "female" personality?  Just because WALL-E has a "male" one?  It’s OK for robots to fall in love, but homosexual robots are just unacceptable, obviously!
  • If WALL-E and EVE reproduced, would their offspring go off to other planets, find plants, and then crush them into blocks?

Please understand that I hold the movie in the highest regard.  That’s why I could only think of eight things to list.  If you have more, feel free to mention them in the comments.

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