Harry Potter Turns 38 Today: Here are 20 “Harry Potter is SO OLD” Jokes to Celebrate

Harry Potter (the character, not the book series) turns 38 years old today. We decided he could endure a little light teasing, so we pulled together these “Harry Potter is SO OLD” jokes to roast him with. Please share your jokes in the comments and on social media: #harrypotterissoold

  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, his spectacles are bi-focals, now.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, his patronus is a grey stag.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he sits in front of the TV and says “Accio remote!”
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he says video tape instead of Blu-ray.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he needs the pill that shall remain nameless.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, his kids have to remind him about how all his old Quidditch stories end.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, when he looks at the Mirror of Erised, he sees his hair.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he gets a Probity Probe every other year.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he needs the pensive to find his car keys.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he had to see the doctor after mis-using the Petrificus Totalus spell.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, his scar just points towards his bald spot.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he just sits on the porch yelling at the kids to “Locomotor of my lawn!”
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, his Firebolt is now classed as a ’classic.’
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he keeps pointing his wand at his belly, and saying “Reducio!”
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, the Room of Requirement is always the bathroom.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he uses the Time Turner to watch Quidditch and take a nap at the same time.
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he’s got bumper stickers on his car that says “My other car is a Firebolt” and “My son is an honor student at Hogwarts.”
  • Harry Potter is SO OLD, he needs an Extendable Ear to listen to Potterwatch, which is all informercials these days, anyways.

And here are two limericks:

Related Post

Harry Potter has now reached that age
That he thought would make him a sage
Once he was bold
but he’s now feeling so old
That in Warcraft he’s rolling a mage

In a place where the hippogriffs soar
Potter’s life has become such a bore,
Hermione’s time turner
and Ma Weasley’s sweater
Are now what he dreams when he snores


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Ken Denmead

Ken is a husband and father from the San Francisco Bay Area, where he works as civil engineer. He became the Publisher of GeekDad in 2007, and the owner in 2010. He also wrote the NYT bestselling GeekDad series of project books for parents and kids to share.

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