Harry Potter Turns 38 Today: Here are 20 “Harry Potter is SO OLD” Jokes to Celebrate

Harry Potter (the character, not the book series) turns 38 years old today. We decided he could endure a little light teasing, so we pulled together these “Harry Potter is SO OLD” jokes to roast him with. Please share your jokes in the comments and on social media: #harrypotterissoold

• Harry Potter is SO OLD, his spectacles are bi-focals, now.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, his patronus is a grey stag.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he sits in front of the TV and says “Accio remote!”
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he says video tape instead of Blu-ray.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he needs the pill that shall remain nameless.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, his kids have to remind him about how all his old Quidditch stories end.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, when he looks at the Mirror of Erised, he sees his hair.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he gets a Probity Probe every other year.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he needs the pensive to find his car keys.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he had to see the doctor after mis-using the Petrificus Totalus spell.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, his scar just points towards his bald spot.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he just sits on the porch yelling at the kids to “Locomotor of my lawn!”
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, his Firebolt is now classed as a ’classic.’
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he keeps pointing his wand at his belly, and saying “Reducio!”
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, the Room of Requirement is always the bathroom.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he uses the Time Turner to watch Quidditch and take a nap at the same time.
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he’s got bumper stickers on his car that says “My other car is a Firebolt” and “My son is an honor student at Hogwarts.”
• Harry Potter is SO OLD, he needs an Extendable Ear to listen to Potterwatch, which is all informercials these days, anyways.

And here are two limericks:

Harry Potter has now reached that age
That he thought would make him a sage
Once he was bold
but he’s now feeling so old
That in Warcraft he’s rolling a mage

In a place where the hippogriffs soar
Potter’s life has become such a bore,
Hermione’s time turner
and Ma Weasley’s sweater
Are now what he dreams when he snores

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