Parenting Getting to You? This Zombie Survival Guide Is What You Need!

Zombie survival tips for the barely coping parent–a book no one asked for but that is here anyway.

Written by James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn), this hilarious book really got to me, because I’m the kind of person that thinks about survival all the time; after all, I’m a parent of two.

Besides, he′s got a point: kids suck at surviving, hate everything you will prepare for them, are terribly conceited, and none of it will change in the event of the apocalypse!

What It′s About

“All the other zombie guides out there assume readers are young, fit, and unencumbered by children. In that scenario, the only living humans left will be smug, outdoorsy Millennials. That’s hell on earth, even without the zombies.” Only Dead on the Inside is the answer for the rest of us. If you are asking yourself why you should read this, well, if no kid survives the apocalypse, humanity will perish. Who would have guessed it?

Many of the things this guy says are true, and his charts and comic strips are just absolutely funny.

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5 Zombie Survival Tips

Here are some of Breakwell’s tips and observations–take them or leave them–and as he says: “No pressure, but if you don’t read this book, your children will die.”

  1. There will be bills to pay right up to the second civilization collapses and money loses all value forever.
  2. A good parent needs to be ready for all hell to break loose at a moment′s notice.
  3. If you′re a husband and you quit work when there is no danger, your wife will kill you. Be sure the world has ended first.
  4. The children you have to drag kicking and screaming through the end of the world will be the same ones who thought it was child abuse when you wouldn′t buy them a new smartphone in middle school.
  5. Be sure to loot some ketchup.

And then there’s this jewel:

Instead of seeking out food, target a durable good you can trade for it. The item you choose has to be universally in demand but in short supply. To make sure the market doesn′t get flooded, it has to be something the post-apocalyptic world can′t make. And finally, it has to be something everyone else will overlook so you have a chance to snatch it up before the rest of humanity realizes its mistake. There′s only one item that fits all those criteria: I′m talking, of course, about diapers.

Why You Should Buy It

If you want to make sure your family is apocalypse-ready, Only Dead on the Inside is your best–and only–chance at survival. Did I mention this book is great to read out loud? Think of it as a Halloween treat… or threat?

Disclaimer: a copy of this book was given to me for review purposes, all opinions remain my own.

Featured image by James Breakwell

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Mariana Ruiz

A Bolivian that writes children's books in Spanish, when she is not busy writing fiction or wondering about the Universe, she is playing games with her two sons and fantastic partner.

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Tags: Halloween

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