There’s a running joke among fans of the animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender where if anyone mentions the live action film, they are told the Earth King invites them to visit Lake Laogai. In the series, Lake Laogai was where political dissidents were taken for “reprogramming.” The joke is that the live action movie was so terrible, the best solution is to simply wipe it from memory. There is even a subreddit dedicated to the phenomenon (/r/LakeLaogai).
In the Dark Tower novels by Stephen King, Susannah finds a small, scrimshaw turtle in a bowling bag called sköldpadda–the Swedish word for turtle. The sköldpadda has the power to hypnotize and even erase memories. After last month’s film adaptation of The Dark Tower, I would really like my own sköldpadda.
Until I find one, let’s distract ourselves with a new Stephen King adaptation that I am optimistic will live up to the hype. It comes to theaters on September 8, and, if the conversations following the trailer releases are any indication, millennials will now get to enjoy their own generational coulrophobia, just like my generation did with Poltergeist. And in case It is not enough to cleanse your Stephen King palate after your Dark Tower appetizer, Carrie and The Dark Half are also coming to Hulu and Amazon Prime in September.
If emotionally scarring horror isn’t your cup of tea, kick back and relax with some ultra-violent shoot ’em ups. Kingsman: The Golden Circle releases September 22 and is sure to capitalize on its successful formula from the first movie of killing anything that moves. If you like your killing with a side of witty banter, two Quentin Tarantino classics are coming to streaming services. Amazon Fullscreen is getting Reservoir Dogs and Netflix will have Pulp Fiction, both on September 1.
For those of you who just “nope”d right by all of that, there is no shortage of uplifting fare as well. Rudy will be playing on Amazon Fullscreen, Netflix is getting Dead Poet’s Society, and Hulu will have Contact and both the 1977 and the 2003 versions of Freaky Friday.
Or, you can just turn your brain off completely. Amazon Prime will be streaming Bio-Dome on September 1.
Here’s the full list of everything coming in September on Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, Blu-ray/DVD, PS4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, and at the theaters.
At the Movies
Blu-ray / DVD
|Sep 6||Money Monster|
|Sep 6||Now You See Me 2|
|Sep 6||The Darkness|
|Sep 6||Love & Friendship|
|Sep 6||Tale of Tales|
|Sep 6||Ones Below|
|Sep 6||A Bigger Splash|
|Sep 6||The Meddler|
|Sep 13||The Conjuring 2|
|Sep 13||Captain America: Civil War 3D|
|Sep 13||Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping|
|Sep 13||The Fits|
|Sep 13||Presenting Princess Shaw|
|Sep 13||The Automatic Hate|
|Sep 13||De Palma|
|Sep 13||Talent Has Hunger|
|Sep 20||Free State of Jones|
|Sep 20||Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising|
|Sep 20||Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows 3D|
|Sep 20||Ma Ma|
|Sep 20||Wedding Doll|
|Sep 20||Colliding Dreams|
|Sep 20||Kingdom of Shadows|
|Sep 27||Central Intelligence|
|Sep 27||Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates|
|Sep 27||The Shallows|
|Sep 27||The Neon Demon|
|Sep 27||Hunt for the Wilderpeople|
|Sep 27||City of Gold|
|Sep 27||Can We Take a Joke?|
|Sep 27||Eat That Question: Frank Zappa in His Own Words|
|Sep 27||Finding Altamira|
|Sep 27||Howard Lovecraft and the Frozen Kingdom|
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