Pumpkinspiration with ‘Finding Dory’ in 10 Simple (Soul-Crushing) Steps

I’ll be honest with you. I think I like the idea of carving pumpkins for Halloween way more than the activity itself. I love going to a local farm and picking pumpkins from the field. I love the excitement of taking the pumpkin home, so full of possibility. I love the thrill of plunging a knife deep into the top of a fresh pumpkin. I love the gooey feeling of pumpkin guts sliming through my fingers as I hollow it out. And that’s pretty much where my love affair ends.

I don’t much care for the actual process of carving out a design. I often feel inadequate if I just carve from my imagination, but I feel completely overwhelmed when faced with a premade, intricate design. And it’s just a matter of days before the carved pumpkin starts to rot and stink on the doorstep. I like that least of all.

Yet every Halloween, I find myself in a familiar situation: full of excitement and enthusiasm. I never learn.

So it was with mixed emotions that a package of Finding Dory-themed pumpkin-carving tools and accessories was delivered right to my door. I mean, how could I say no? Like I said, I never learn.

So I grabbed my kids (upon whom I could blame the final product if it just looked like a sad, hacked-up corpse of a gourd), and we went to town. The kit came with a variety of designs, and my kids chose to torture me with one that, in retrospect, was probably toward the “expert” end of the complexity scale. We were off!

• Step 1: Bend the laws of physics to get a flat piece of paper somehow affixed to a three-dimensional, misshapen sphere.
• Step 2: Use a tiny ice pick to poke holes around the outline of the design while simultaneously eliminating any other plans you might have had for the evening (i.e., this takes a long time).
• Step 3: Remove the paper and realize you just poked about a thousand holes in the skin of the pumpkin, which make absolutely no sense whatsoever without the paper in place.
• Step 4: Spend an inordinate amount of time connecting the dots and retracing the design on the pumpkin. (Bonus points for feeling like an idiot.)
• Step 5: Break out the mini saw and start carving away. Quickly realize that the design is entirely too intricate and detailed to carve into a pumpkin that is nearly two inches thick.
• Step 6: Give up in frustration.
• Step 7: Succumb to the guilt trip your kids throw your way. Continue sawing. Get a severe cramp in your hand.
• Step 8: Give up in frustration and put the kids to bed. Then feel a twinge of remorse and guilt. You’re better than this. Don’t let a pumpkin get the upper hand.
• Step 9: Muscle through and finish carving that clownfish and sea anemone into your pumpkin.
• Step 10: Sit back, relax, and enjoy a job well done. Then swear off this nonsense until next October.

If you’re still in the mood for some pumpkinspiration, check out these other geeky designs.

Oh yeah, Finding Dory is available on Digital HD and Disney Movies Anywhere now and comes out on Blu-ray and DVD on November 15!