Late to the Party — Star Wars Episodes IV-III

As a repentant heretic, I have placed myself at the mercy of The Force and submitted my will unto it. As I embraced The Force in all humility, I woke joyously to a fandom that I will hold in high esteem unto the final death of Qui-Gon Jinn. In English: I finally broke down and binge-watched Star Wars. All six episodes. I made a deal with my wife; we watched all three movies of the original trilogy in exchange for us to watch Episodes I-III together. It was uber fun.

As a 27-year-old geek, it surprises many that I never intentionally sat down and watched Star Wars. Of course, I knew every spoiler there is to know. I know who was the baby-daddy, and who was the Emperor. There were no surprises in the story. I even knew which scenes would have been tampered with if I were watching remastered versions. [Han didn’t shoot first though; Han shot.] In the end, the passion I found for Star Wars was born of execution. John Williams’s music was Force-ful, passionate, and perfectly timed. The actors were amazing (even if some of them over-acted), and the roles themselves were amazing. The whole series is a wonderfully masterful piece of art.

I loved so many features, but my family is quick to point out my flaws of logic. I find some of the characters to be excessive, including big and small bipedal bears (I understand they are called wookiees and ewoks). I mean, come on. I also think that Gungans are amaze-balls (including their amazing weaponized balls, heh-heh), much to the consternation and bewilderment of my wife.

There are also “rules” to Star Wars that nobody told me. These are the details that gained my rapt attention.

• Storm Troopers never hit.
• If a Jedi and a Sith are in a fight, there will be a ledge.
• Women have amazing hair. Or tentacles.
• In every movie, there will be an hand cut off. (Episode I is an exception, but, since Darth Maul got cut in half, I think we can forgive this oversight.)
• When in doubt, flying through the obstacle is the only solution. It also always works.
• Asteroids are great hiding places.
• One lightsaber is always better than two (or four).
• The women are badasses, unless they have baby-brain.

I have to regret only a single detail. I have finally found the only love story in the world that is worse than Twilight‘s. There is no rhyme, reason, story, or depth to the love of Anakin and Padme. They are hopelessly in love, so much that she dies for no apparent reason. But I could find no incident that would indicate why Padme might love Anakin, up to and including her declaration of love. That is the single significant detraction I found from the overall story. I loved seeing the Easter eggs buried in Episode II and III as well. Details like how C-3PO came to be the property of Captain Antilles, and where the hell an “Uncle Ben” came from, were so much fun to hunt out, and check off my mental list.

I’m still overwhelmed by the extended fandom. I have read no books, and years ago I joyously reveled in my ignorance while playing Star Wars: The Old Republic. There is so much to the wonderful world Lucas created, and I will never know it all. For now, I will look forward to the next time I might convince my wife to binge-watch Episodes I-III again. Which probably won’t happen until Episode VII is released, at which time we will watch all six movies while we wait to see whose hand gets cut off next. My money is on Leia.

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