10. Check that account into which you’ve been funneling the fractional pennies from your company’s accounting system; it may be time to cash out.
9. Start hardening the defenses of your home now. You’ll want peace of mind when the food riots start. Reference zombie flicks and/or the Mad Max movies for helpful hints.
8. Listen to the person who says “We better take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure” the first time!
7. You can increase your chances of winning prizes in any given contest by entering 1,000,000 times. Understanding mail-merge can help. See also Real Genius.
6. If anyone suggests vesting “temporary powers” in the Chancellor President, bludgeon them to unconsciousness immediately.
5. Keep reminding yourself that a band of determined redneck high-school football players can hold off any invading army.
4. Practice this phrase: “I, for one, welcome our new [alien/robot/intelligent ape/genetically engineered] overlords.”
3. Everything you ever needed to know to survive you learned from MacGyver.
2. Encourage your congressional representatives to vote “no” on the government’s proposed program to replace food stamps with free handouts of “processed ration wafers.”(i.e. no Soylent Green!)
1. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart!
[We’ve run this every year for the last two years, and it’s still just as true today!]
