Have you ever heard a song so many times in a short span of time that you found yourself rewriting it in your head just to keep yourself sane? It’s a condition that (I find) often strikes this time of year, when it seems impossible to escape Christmas and related winter songs no matter where you go.
So, in case you could use some help keeping yourself from going mad the tenth time you hear “Little Drummer Boy” played in one day, here are ten ideas for geeky versions of well-known Christmas and winter songs. Since the Muppets already did a version of “Carol of the Bells” that’s far better than we could do, we’ll skip that one. We’ve also avoided, as much as possible, the songs the great Tom Lehrer used in his unforgettable “A Christmas Carol.” These are titles and snippets of song only, as song-writing is not exactly our strongest suit, so please feel free to contribute lyrics in the comments.
1. “Winter Wonderland” – “In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is Boba Fett.”
2. “Ru’Dolf the Red-Nosed Klingon” – “All of the other Klingons / Used to laugh and call him names / He got a bat’leth and slew one / So his honor he reclaimed.”
3. “Here Comes Doctor Who” – “Here comes Doctor Who, here comes Doctor Who / Coming in his TARDIS / Rose and Sarah Jane and all his companions / Get the Daleks pissed.” (Yes, we know, he’s never called “Doctor Who” except in the show’s title, but it wouldn’t scan right using “The Doctor,” so you’ll just have to live with it.)
4. “Frosty the Cylon” – “Frosty the Cylon / Is a fairy tale they say / He was made of steel / He was not quite real / Then he came to life one day.”
5. “Good King Elessar” – “Good King Elessar looked out / On the feast of Gondor.” (We leave rhyming “Gondor” as an exercise for our readers.)
6. “Let Us Go” – “Oh, the Vogons up there mean trouble / And your house will soon be rubble / We need a safe place to go / Arthur, let’s go! Let us go, let us go.”
7. “Slay Ride” – “Just see those vampires uprising / Surprising your friends too / Come on, it’s lovely weather / For a slay ride together with you.”
8. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Captain Kirk” – “Then I saw Mommy tickle Captain Kirk / Underneath his hair so clearly fake.”
9. “Jingle Bells” – “Dashing through the ‘verse / In the ship Serenity / To Jaynestown we go / To collect our fee.”
10. “The Twelve Days of Christmas” – “On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me / Eight bloggers blogging / Seven dice a-rolling / Six iPhones ringing / Five MacBook Pros / Four LEGO Sets / Three Hexbugs / Two gaming mice / And a cartridge for Atari” (OK, so that last one is a little outdated.)