Football Fail: NFL Action Figures Without Cheerleaders Just More Guys In Tights

Special to JockDad by Tank O’Callahan

When my youngest, Peyton, announced he was finally ditching all those superhero action figures and taking up football like his old man, I couldn’t be happier. Finally!  No more of those bizarre dolls cluttering all the shelves in his room.  The lightsabers he insisted on mounting over the fireplace could be replaced by a pair of hockey sticks or maybe even fishing rods.  He’ll be shouting out audibles instead of talking back in that Klingon gibberish when I tell him to get his damned wookie off the couch.  No more of those socially awkward D&D dice mixed in with my poker chips incidents.  With any luck, the comic books would be sitting out at the curb too.  Maybe it’s time to get the boy a subscription to Sports Illustrated and really complete the transformation. 

Apparently I missed something in the translation. 

Let me state for the record that football is a noble game, combining strength, strategy and skill.  You’d think it would be physically impossible to subvert it, but you’d be wrong.  Action figures modeled on football players?  That’s malicious unnecessary roughness– on my eyes.  Fifteen yards and disqualification!  Without a plastic goal line and a bunch of Barbie dolls in cheerleader outfits, it’s just another bunch of guys in tights.  The only thing missing is the capes.

Ghuy’ cha’ !!!!!

Photo courtesy of McFarlane Toys.

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