Dads, listen to me. The driver’s seat, it’s a mess. But life under the seat is more terrifying than anything we’ve got up here.
[Cue marimba]
The mucor is always greenest, just after a three-week wait
You dream about pristine floor mats, but that is a big mistake
Just look at the world beneath you, right there in your kids’ back seat
Such wonderful things surround them. What’s this, oh it’s mystery meat!
Under the seat, under the seat
Oh dads it’s better, no Scarlet Letter
For being messy!
In other cars they might not know, the unspeakable joys of Playdough
Wedged into crannies (God damn that nanny…)
Under the seat!
Back there all the kids is happy, just chucking stuff on the floor
They glad ’cause it seem so easy, to pile up stuff to the door
But kids in the seat is lucky, they in for a worser fate
One day when the trash get sentient, guess who’s gon’ be on the plate?
Under the seat, Under the seat
Deforestation can’t beat the nation
Of pond-scum algae!
Dropped food since in the womb, makes for an ecosystem bloom
All that detritus, cause hepatitis
Under the seat, under the seat
Something that’s furry, makes my eyes blurry
Maybe it’s pee?
Even just around the block, feels like sixteen years on the clock
Old bits of liver make stomach quiver
Under the seat!
A half eaten bar, a green hard-boiled egg
Some gluten free chips, an old chicken leg
The skin from a snake, a stick that they found
The mess sent to test my soul! (Yeah)
Some brown and green slime, with mashed Oreos
A smell like a carp, that comes and it goes
The dog and the cat, won’t stay in the back
Just roll down the windows!
Under the seat, under the seat
Everything green since they been weaned
That’s where it’s seen!
All it would take’s a Hazmat suit, to clean up that flattened newt
Thanksgiving yam here, bits of dried jam here
Under the seat
Under the rug here, oh sh*t there’s slugs here
Under the seat
All that detritus, burst forth and bite us
It’s less than handsome, under the transom
How’s this my life here? (Don’t tell my wife here!)
Under the seat
***
Some posts are a little too close to home. And so I refuse to post a picture of the refuse under the seats of my Leaf. If you feel otherwise, we’ve got a nice forum this week for your electric vehicle pictures — specifically selfies. And also a chance to win $250 that goes a long way toward specialized backseat detailing at the CDC! Check out the EV Selfie Contest run by The Electric Generation. Snap a selfie with your EV and post it to FB or Twitter, tagged #EVSelfie. That’s it. You’re entered.
