Locale: Hurangidangian HQ – Gamma Quadrant
Central Command – Debriefing Room
——
Commander Grnn, sir.
ePox-37N, we expected you back ages ago!
Yes, sir. Our return black hole was closed for repairs so we had to make it back at warp-speed.
Well, that can be tedious, indeed. So, what’s your report on Planet 03 in System B-80G73?
Well, as you may know, it’s a very large planet with many inhabitants spread out over great distances. Fortunately, I was able to observe an impressive tribal gathering of what appeared to be many and diverse groups at something they called, if I have it right, the “Comic-Con International: San Diego”.
Was this like our Council Meeting of the Multi-limbed Waldickians?
Err, no, not exactly sir. It was much more… boisterous and colorful. Also, it involved over 140,000 of these beings!
Good Freen! Are you sure of that number?! It exceeds our entire population!
Yes, sir. I counted them myself. It occurred over five of their solar time units and was quite impressive.
Alright, go on. And the purpose for this obviously momentous gathering?
Hmm. That was hard to define, Commander. I often heard of them referring to it as “fun.”
What’s “fun?”
Not sure but they seem to experience this condition by assembling as many of their kind as they can in these enclosed spaces where they slowly move around, usually while speaking their various languages to each other.
About what? It must be of great import for such an assemblage obviously.
One would think… but, a good deal of it was them simply looking at each other and assessing each other’s appearance, it would seem. They varied greatly in the specifics of their form, which seemed to please them. They especially grew agitated upon the frequent arrival of a veritable army of aggressive-looking soldiers all in white.
How many casualties, 37-N?
Well, that’s the odd thing, sir. The warriors just marched around and stood in groups, while a non-warrior human pointed small devices at them which seemed to do no more than flash a weak light. It did cause them to freeze temporarily, but then they would be on the march again.
That is truly unusual. Alright, let’s overlook that for now. I still ask, what was the purpose of this immense gathering?
Well, a great deal of physical exchanges were made amongst the many varied humans. It was unclear to me what the purpose of this was. One human would offer a small flat piece of a synthetic material to another human, who would then proffer one, or many, often large items, of indeterminate purpose, over to the first human. But then, the small rectangle would be returned to the original owner.
So there was no equal exchange?! How could that work as a value system?
I don’t know, sir, but both parties seemed especially pleased by the transaction.
Puzzling. What was the make-up of these creatures? How diverse were they in their appearance?
Amazingly so, sir. The humans proved to come in many shapes and sizes. I noted that an inordinate amount of them were very small.
Ah, the leaders of the tribes obviously.
It would seem, sir, as they were escorted continuously by the larger ones who constantly remained at their beck and call.
As is fitting for a leader. Continue, 37-N.
Oddly, there seemed to be much making of noise, for as far as I could tell, the sake of making noise. Nothing of import transpired as a result of the cacophony but, again, it seemed to please the humans greatly. If one were to explode with sound, all surrounding creatures would also. Perplexing.
Obviously a very obscure but meaningful survival technique.
As you say, sir. It is true that only a few seemed incapacitated by the enormous activity going on. Frankly, we wouldn’t have lasted 10 zeptoseconds in that environment, Commander.
These are a strange but tremendously resilient species it would seem, 37-N. One we would do well to keep a close eye on.
Indeed. There was great evidence of starcraft on display.
Really, do you see this as an immediate threat then?
Well, no, Commander, as the starcraft I observed was much too small to hold any of the humans.
Even the smaller leaders?
Yes, sir, though the humans of all sizes did express great interest in acquiring these craft. Effusive interest, I must say.
Could they perhaps be hiding a much smaller race that could navigate these warships?
On display were miniature humans that were of a similar scale, but they were inanimate and seemed to be exchanged only as items of possession, not use.
What? Why would you obtain something that had no practical application?
It is surely beyond my reckoning, Commander. Many of their actions did not seem to relate to what we would consider rational behavior.
They sound like a very sophisticated culture, perhaps beyond our ken. So, how did they conclude this expansive gathering? Sacrifices were made, I assume, to their Overlords?
Well, they did seem to almost self-immolate at the end of the last day by ingesting vast quantities of colored liquids but most remained standing. Exceedingly weakened, to judge by their movements though. Some unto death. But no, no actual sacrifices. They all just gathered their belongings and departed for locations all over their globe.
Fascinating. They are obviously a tremendously complicated species and it will take much more observation if we are to understand their intent and potential threat.
Oh, sir, does that mean I have to return to this planet of bewilderment?
Indeed, 37-N. We’ll assume no immediate threat at this time but it does require you to expand your investigations into this planet and its unusual and seemingly illogical inhabitants.
Oh, sir, this species confounds and troubles me deeply.
I understand, ePox 37-N, but it is a sacrifice you must make for the safety of all in the Hurangidangian System. Who knows, someday they may want to bring their “Comic-Con” to our planet!
Do not say that, sir! What a frightening possibility!
Indeed, 37-N, indeed.
…and special thanks to the indefatigable Jason Cranford Teague for his excellent suggestions.